Am I glad to to see 2009? Yes, yes and YYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
2008 was just plain.....oh how shall I put this....sucky.
Now, don't get me wrong, there were good times.....ok, I have to be honest at this point, I am having a hard time recalling any...of course the girls are healthy and have grown more and changed each second but .....well, you know what I mean, right?
I could do a laundry list of the bad things that have happened this year but instead I think I will just say that I am happy it is over(if you really want to know you can check the blog archive for most of them).
I am ready to start off this new year with a new me....and I do mean that literally since there are whole new parts that will be added soon enough. That and....I am soooooooo very happy about this coming Friday and saying bye-bye to the port. That will start the year off right I think:) And next week I get the new ta-tas and then the journey of "How big will K be?" begins:D
I am a bit more apprehensive about it as it gets closer and I think about it and how the stretching of not just the skin but the muscles too will feel, but....I can honestly say now that I do want boobies. For a while the idea of just not having to deal with them appealed to me, but not any more. I miss the definition they gave to my turtlenecks(yes, they really don't fit well at all without boobs!!!!The things you learn, huh?) and I even miss the motion of them...the gentle swing, or not so gentle depending on how fast I moved(but you get the idea), of them when I would roll over, bend over...ok breathe even....it's a strange empty space feeling there still and I am glad I experienced that first because I think it will make me even happier with my new ones:)
Oh yes....I am ready to be blond again too.....and for it to be long.....I miss my hair, especially when its cold outside.
I am even ready to start exercising full force, in fact I'm kind of craving it.....and that is a strangely hilarious thought as I don't particularly like to exercise. I enjoy playing sports and being active but I dread just "routine" exercise....it's boring to me. So the fact that I want to do it...well...that just means it really is a new me....or maybe its just the "New Year's Resolution time" thing that's happening in my brain:P Regardless...I want to do it and I will try and be patient as the next few weeks drag on and I can't yet.
Mostly though I just want to live. To wake each morning and enjoy the smell of the coffee brewing. To smile as I watch the girls head to the bus stop and ponder how amazing they are and how fast they have grown. To kiss Ed as he heads to work and then to settle in with Sasha and watch the morning shows as I scratch her head and surf the net. To live every day as best I can and waste time only when I'm with my kids, since then it's not really a waste:) To love everyone who comes into my life because they are there for a reason.....ok, that one may be hard, maybe just to love that they came into my life. To do the things that make me happy and not worry about what makes everyone else happy. To be happy being me. To live.
And so with that I wish you all a very Happy New Year. I thank you all again for being a part of my life and even if it wasn't the best thing that brought you here, I am still glad you came along with me on this journey, of course I do hope that we never go down this particular fork in the road again but....I am still glad you all were here.
Thank you for being my friends............yeah I'm singing the Golden Girls theme now...are you?
Blog ya later-
K
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Buh bye port!!!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
So I called today to see if we could coordinate the "get the stupid port outta me" surgery with the reconstruction surgery but it was not to be....I didn't really think it would work anyway but I had to try. However, they did suggest that I either do it before or wait a month or so....I am pretty sure you all could have guessed what my response to that would have been regardless of my title:) So I am having it taken out at 9am on Jan 2nd..Happy New Year!!!!!
I am so excited about it....seems kind of silly when you look at the big picture but honestly it has been the most annoying part of the whole thing! Even now it just bugs me being there, I can feel it poking at my skin and I can't completely sleep comfortably on my side because it is there...sticking out...ugh...so I am happy, happy, happy.....doin' a happy dance I am:)
oh yes....a few other notes....
1-my poor B is sick and we are hoping that she gets better like..now so we can go to the lake for Christmas.
2-I have been on an emotional roller coaster for no apparent reason that I can think of other than that I am getting my hormones back and...yay!!!(and thankfully Ed is happy about that too and so bearing with my irrational emotions!)
3-Apparently now that I have hair(super, super short hair) I must wear earrings at all times because when I was at the store with Lexi on Sat. the girl at the checkout called me sir.......yeah.....SIR.......fortunately I didn't hear it, because I don't know what I would have said to that but Lexi did and made sure to tell me(thanks Lex) as we left. Granted I have very short hair and no boobage at the moment but.....c'mon.....I have a feminine face...and voice and....sheesh, its giving me a complex now!
4-I don't know what I did to the blog...ok I do, I tried to add another sidebar column on here and it didn't work so well so I lost a lot of my stuff....which I will try and replace when I have some more time.
Hope you all have stayed warm through this deep freeze of late.
Bog ya later-
K
So I called today to see if we could coordinate the "get the stupid port outta me" surgery with the reconstruction surgery but it was not to be....I didn't really think it would work anyway but I had to try. However, they did suggest that I either do it before or wait a month or so....I am pretty sure you all could have guessed what my response to that would have been regardless of my title:) So I am having it taken out at 9am on Jan 2nd..Happy New Year!!!!!
I am so excited about it....seems kind of silly when you look at the big picture but honestly it has been the most annoying part of the whole thing! Even now it just bugs me being there, I can feel it poking at my skin and I can't completely sleep comfortably on my side because it is there...sticking out...ugh...so I am happy, happy, happy.....doin' a happy dance I am:)
oh yes....a few other notes....
1-my poor B is sick and we are hoping that she gets better like..now so we can go to the lake for Christmas.
2-I have been on an emotional roller coaster for no apparent reason that I can think of other than that I am getting my hormones back and...yay!!!(and thankfully Ed is happy about that too and so bearing with my irrational emotions!)
3-Apparently now that I have hair(super, super short hair) I must wear earrings at all times because when I was at the store with Lexi on Sat. the girl at the checkout called me sir.......yeah.....SIR.......fortunately I didn't hear it, because I don't know what I would have said to that but Lexi did and made sure to tell me(thanks Lex) as we left. Granted I have very short hair and no boobage at the moment but.....c'mon.....I have a feminine face...and voice and....sheesh, its giving me a complex now!
4-I don't know what I did to the blog...ok I do, I tried to add another sidebar column on here and it didn't work so well so I lost a lot of my stuff....which I will try and replace when I have some more time.
Hope you all have stayed warm through this deep freeze of late.
Bog ya later-
K
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Clinical Trial
I realized that although I have talked about this in person and in emails I have never blogged about it so here goes!
I am taking part in a clinical trial now. When they did the original trials for bio-phosphates, like Boniva, one of the side effects was that it seemed to help women who had survived breast cancer from having it reoccur and later metastasize in their bones. Now, because this was an unintended and unexpected side effect they are not sure if it was a fluke or something that could hold possibilities of actually doing just that in the future. Therefore, they are now doing a clinical trial to see if that was a true result. They are enrolling 4500 breast cancer survivors and each of them will get one of three bio-phosphate medicines for 3 years and then be followed for....well I'm not sure about that part, but I assume forever and at least there will be no placebos.
I am doing this for several reasons.
First, as a helpful preventative measure. Generally when cancer comes back, first it goes to the same boob(ok, gone), then the next boob(same answer) and then the bones(still have those or I'd be Jabba). So, I am hoping that since I have kind of eliminated those first two steps this will help me never have to deal with that last one.
Second, since these drugs are good for your bones....well, nuff said, who couldn't use that?
Third, I have always felt that if a trial came up that I could take part in I would because that is how we find out which drugs work and which don't. Now....I will qualify that by saying that I wouldn't expose myself to something that I thought was dangerous or unproven. I do appreciate those people who do the trials without knowing anything of the side effects or outcomes of any given drug, they are far braver than I. But this trial can only be beneficial in my mind and so I am doing it.
Fourth, and this is really key....my kind of cancer tends to come back, if it's going to, within the first three years. After that the rates of recurrence drop off so drastically that by 8 years out it has a 0...yes that is a zero, statistic for coming back....weird huh? So I figure the more help I can get in these next three years the better.
So I was randomized(the computer put me in the trial and then selected my drug for me) and the arm I am in requires me to take 1600 mg of a drug once a day for three years....I can do that...piece of cake comparatively speaking to the past 6 months:)
Tomorrow I start the pills and begin the journey to strengthen my bones and hopefully help me along the way to never having to do this again.
And that is that.
Now, having said all that...there are possible side effects, but I am confident and hopeful(I know, I know...kind of contradictory) that I will not have any and if I do that they will be mild. And...if they aren't, well I am not going to hurt myself for this study either and my Dr. told me from the get-go that if I did have problems she wouldn't want me to continue in it, so I feel very comfortable with the whole thing.
And on a similar but different note, yes...I am getting rid of the port as soon as I can too. Since I was not put into the arm of the trial that had to be administered via IV I am not gonna keep it. And I am sure none of you are shocked by that:) So now I see if I can coordinate that with the reconstruction surgery(wouldn't that be wonderful?) and if not, which ...honestly, I am not really thinking that will happen, so if it doesn't then we just schedule it for when he can do it.
Anyway, now am off to bed as it was a day of class parties and school concerts and I am plum tuckered out:)
Hope you all are well and staying warm/dry/sane this week:)
Blog ya later-
K
I am taking part in a clinical trial now. When they did the original trials for bio-phosphates, like Boniva, one of the side effects was that it seemed to help women who had survived breast cancer from having it reoccur and later metastasize in their bones. Now, because this was an unintended and unexpected side effect they are not sure if it was a fluke or something that could hold possibilities of actually doing just that in the future. Therefore, they are now doing a clinical trial to see if that was a true result. They are enrolling 4500 breast cancer survivors and each of them will get one of three bio-phosphate medicines for 3 years and then be followed for....well I'm not sure about that part, but I assume forever and at least there will be no placebos.
I am doing this for several reasons.
First, as a helpful preventative measure. Generally when cancer comes back, first it goes to the same boob(ok, gone), then the next boob(same answer) and then the bones(still have those or I'd be Jabba). So, I am hoping that since I have kind of eliminated those first two steps this will help me never have to deal with that last one.
Second, since these drugs are good for your bones....well, nuff said, who couldn't use that?
Third, I have always felt that if a trial came up that I could take part in I would because that is how we find out which drugs work and which don't. Now....I will qualify that by saying that I wouldn't expose myself to something that I thought was dangerous or unproven. I do appreciate those people who do the trials without knowing anything of the side effects or outcomes of any given drug, they are far braver than I. But this trial can only be beneficial in my mind and so I am doing it.
Fourth, and this is really key....my kind of cancer tends to come back, if it's going to, within the first three years. After that the rates of recurrence drop off so drastically that by 8 years out it has a 0...yes that is a zero, statistic for coming back....weird huh? So I figure the more help I can get in these next three years the better.
So I was randomized(the computer put me in the trial and then selected my drug for me) and the arm I am in requires me to take 1600 mg of a drug once a day for three years....I can do that...piece of cake comparatively speaking to the past 6 months:)
Tomorrow I start the pills and begin the journey to strengthen my bones and hopefully help me along the way to never having to do this again.
And that is that.
Now, having said all that...there are possible side effects, but I am confident and hopeful(I know, I know...kind of contradictory) that I will not have any and if I do that they will be mild. And...if they aren't, well I am not going to hurt myself for this study either and my Dr. told me from the get-go that if I did have problems she wouldn't want me to continue in it, so I feel very comfortable with the whole thing.
And on a similar but different note, yes...I am getting rid of the port as soon as I can too. Since I was not put into the arm of the trial that had to be administered via IV I am not gonna keep it. And I am sure none of you are shocked by that:) So now I see if I can coordinate that with the reconstruction surgery(wouldn't that be wonderful?) and if not, which ...honestly, I am not really thinking that will happen, so if it doesn't then we just schedule it for when he can do it.
Anyway, now am off to bed as it was a day of class parties and school concerts and I am plum tuckered out:)
Hope you all are well and staying warm/dry/sane this week:)
Blog ya later-
K
Monday, December 15, 2008
Onward
Well...today was interesting ...and its only 2!!!!
I awoke at 5 this morning to both of our cells and the home phone ringing to inform us that Ed had no school today and so I laid there for about 1/2 hour waiting for the kids school to get cancelled and finally I gave up and was just about to drift to sleep when boom the double whammy again of multiple phones going off and the recording saying they had no school too. Which was fine, I personally wanted to sleep in so it worked out just great after that :) Of course that does mean that everyone was home today and I had a whole list of things to get done.....but we'll survive and I can do them tomorrow:)( ok, ok...I am doing some of them now while the girls watch a movie but we did play cards already)
However, I also went into my oncologist to get blood work done and a checkup before starting in a study. It went well. They marveled at my hair:) and at how well I was doing, and then told me I was nuts when I told them what I had done last week and all the activities of this week....I don't know why...that's what moms do ya know:) Anyhoo...they couldn't get any blood through my port............................................................I'm not happy about that. You all know how much I hate it and how it still bothers me and yet...it doesn't freakin' work?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!? ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH. So they had to draw from my arm, which was fine, I am fairly used to being poked, prodded and sucked dry(J/K) by now, so it wasn't that big of a deal, just annoying since the whole point of the port was so I wouldn't have to have them try and find a vein! Fortunately the nurse was very skilled and so far not a smidgen of bruising(and yes, I knocked on wood right after I typed that anyway). So now we wait for the tests to come back clean(and non-pregnant, which it better be or you can call me Mary.....) and then they will enroll me in the study and we will find out which meds I will get and start on Wed.
On a similar topic, I was "introduced", via one of my online cancer groups, to a young man who is going to be traveling across the country visiting colleges and speaking to there and to sororities about breast cancer. His tour is titled, "Kicking Breast Cancer's Butt Across America", which I just love, and the idea of it is one that I think is so very important. He is doing a video blog of his experience and you can follow him on www.thebrandonshow.com or on Twitter(me too there btw). The main reason, other than to support him, that I am including this in my post is because he asked me what my 5 most significant blog posts were and send them to him so he could share those and maybe have them help him personalize his presentation a bit more. And I need your help to decide which ones those are!!!!
Sooooooooo...please, please, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeee help me by letting me know which posts you liked the most or which posts you thought were most important for others to hear/read so that I can pass these along before he starts his tour this winter. Thanks in advance.
Ok...so it is now 4:04 and I am finally finishing this post......that's all I will say on that:D
Hope everyone is staying warm today.
Blog ya later-
K
I awoke at 5 this morning to both of our cells and the home phone ringing to inform us that Ed had no school today and so I laid there for about 1/2 hour waiting for the kids school to get cancelled and finally I gave up and was just about to drift to sleep when boom the double whammy again of multiple phones going off and the recording saying they had no school too. Which was fine, I personally wanted to sleep in so it worked out just great after that :) Of course that does mean that everyone was home today and I had a whole list of things to get done.....but we'll survive and I can do them tomorrow:)( ok, ok...I am doing some of them now while the girls watch a movie but we did play cards already)
However, I also went into my oncologist to get blood work done and a checkup before starting in a study. It went well. They marveled at my hair:) and at how well I was doing, and then told me I was nuts when I told them what I had done last week and all the activities of this week....I don't know why...that's what moms do ya know:) Anyhoo...they couldn't get any blood through my port............................................................I'm not happy about that. You all know how much I hate it and how it still bothers me and yet...it doesn't freakin' work?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!? ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH. So they had to draw from my arm, which was fine, I am fairly used to being poked, prodded and sucked dry(J/K) by now, so it wasn't that big of a deal, just annoying since the whole point of the port was so I wouldn't have to have them try and find a vein! Fortunately the nurse was very skilled and so far not a smidgen of bruising(and yes, I knocked on wood right after I typed that anyway). So now we wait for the tests to come back clean(and non-pregnant, which it better be or you can call me Mary.....) and then they will enroll me in the study and we will find out which meds I will get and start on Wed.
On a similar topic, I was "introduced", via one of my online cancer groups, to a young man who is going to be traveling across the country visiting colleges and speaking to there and to sororities about breast cancer. His tour is titled, "Kicking Breast Cancer's Butt Across America", which I just love, and the idea of it is one that I think is so very important. He is doing a video blog of his experience and you can follow him on www.thebrandonshow.com or on Twitter(me too there btw). The main reason, other than to support him, that I am including this in my post is because he asked me what my 5 most significant blog posts were and send them to him so he could share those and maybe have them help him personalize his presentation a bit more. And I need your help to decide which ones those are!!!!
Sooooooooo...please, please, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeee help me by letting me know which posts you liked the most or which posts you thought were most important for others to hear/read so that I can pass these along before he starts his tour this winter. Thanks in advance.
Ok...so it is now 4:04 and I am finally finishing this post......that's all I will say on that:D
Hope everyone is staying warm today.
Blog ya later-
K
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Bareheaded
I did not wear any type of head covering in public today!!!!!!
It was a big step for me. Many of you have seen a glimpse of my hair at certain points when I have momentarily lifted my hat off or if you have been by my house, but today I went totally free all day...and....(this is the important part) I went places!!!!!!!
I went on a field trip to the Magic House, to two grocery stores and church with my bare head. And it was nice. I really don't like hats...and frankly scarves even less. So I have decided that I am done with them...except for outside when it's cold...or sunny and I need a visor in the summer, but that's it!
Stay warm.
Blog ya later-
K
It was a big step for me. Many of you have seen a glimpse of my hair at certain points when I have momentarily lifted my hat off or if you have been by my house, but today I went totally free all day...and....(this is the important part) I went places!!!!!!!
I went on a field trip to the Magic House, to two grocery stores and church with my bare head. And it was nice. I really don't like hats...and frankly scarves even less. So I have decided that I am done with them...except for outside when it's cold...or sunny and I need a visor in the summer, but that's it!
Stay warm.
Blog ya later-
K
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
I'm a hairy monster!
I am...no, really...I am, and....I am so hormonal its crazy....but, it's all good because that truly just means my body is getting back to normal....still waiting on that visit from Aunt Flo...but I am not minding that as much:)
Anyway..by hairy I mean everywhere but my head! Not that my hair there isn't coming along, it is, in fact I am hoping that by the New Year I will be going hat less unless its cold! But hair is coming in on my face and neck.....granted it is blonder than blonde and finer than fine, but......I can see it even if no one else can...ya know? I feel like I have aged a ton suddenly because that is not supposed to happen until I am much older and can't see well enough to care that my face is hairy!!!!!
The hormones are a similar story in that I feel like I'm on this emotional roller coaster everyday! I wonder if this is just the real me coming out since it's the first time(except when pregnant or breast feeding) in 15 years that I haven't been on birth control.....hmmm, regardless, I cry all the time..literally....all the time. I started crying today walking down the hallway at the girl's elementary school on the way to the copy room! "Why, did something happen?" you might ask....nope. I was just walking...seeing the older kids(who were dressed in 18th century clothes today) in the hall helping younger kids with reading, all the teachers in the classes I passed engaging the kids and a couple of smiling urchins bopping down the halls themselves and this sudden feeling of overwhelming thankfulness and happiness that my children were able to be here and participate made me cry......just like every commercial does...
I need to buy stock in Kleenex.
Anyway....hope you all are well.
Blog ya later-
K
Anyway..by hairy I mean everywhere but my head! Not that my hair there isn't coming along, it is, in fact I am hoping that by the New Year I will be going hat less unless its cold! But hair is coming in on my face and neck.....granted it is blonder than blonde and finer than fine, but......I can see it even if no one else can...ya know? I feel like I have aged a ton suddenly because that is not supposed to happen until I am much older and can't see well enough to care that my face is hairy!!!!!
The hormones are a similar story in that I feel like I'm on this emotional roller coaster everyday! I wonder if this is just the real me coming out since it's the first time(except when pregnant or breast feeding) in 15 years that I haven't been on birth control.....hmmm, regardless, I cry all the time..literally....all the time. I started crying today walking down the hallway at the girl's elementary school on the way to the copy room! "Why, did something happen?" you might ask....nope. I was just walking...seeing the older kids(who were dressed in 18th century clothes today) in the hall helping younger kids with reading, all the teachers in the classes I passed engaging the kids and a couple of smiling urchins bopping down the halls themselves and this sudden feeling of overwhelming thankfulness and happiness that my children were able to be here and participate made me cry......just like every commercial does...
I need to buy stock in Kleenex.
Anyway....hope you all are well.
Blog ya later-
K
Sunday, December 7, 2008
7 left
7 what, you may ask....and I would say, "Events to survive....until break."
Today we had our Brownie holiday party and it was great. The girls enjoyed it I think. We did some songs, crafts, cookies, a gift exchange and that was about it. A couple of moms stayed and that helped immensely. I think it will in fact become an annual tradition!
Sooo..with that one down..I have seven left.
A field trip, a junior meeting, 2 choral performances, Lexi's CCL final presentations, a brownie meeting, 2 class parties, 2 school holiday concerts....which..come to think of it, if you count each of the activities that they have two of...that makes 10!!!!!!
ok..breathing.........no worries..it can all be done. I mean I only have two kids....what happens when you have more?
And I have to finish painting the backdrop for this weekend and make gingerbread house sides...
Yes, I most definitely made the right choice about surgery:)
Oh and I have created a pixie...Belle cut her hair(had it cut I mean...I wouldn't really let her cut her own...yet anyway) to donate to locks of love, the sweetie:) and now has a very cute short little swingy cut. The shortest in back it has been since it was first that length!!!! But she looks adorable and is very happy and that is all that matters anyway.
Hope you had a great weekend.
Blog ya later-
K
Today we had our Brownie holiday party and it was great. The girls enjoyed it I think. We did some songs, crafts, cookies, a gift exchange and that was about it. A couple of moms stayed and that helped immensely. I think it will in fact become an annual tradition!
Sooo..with that one down..I have seven left.
A field trip, a junior meeting, 2 choral performances, Lexi's CCL final presentations, a brownie meeting, 2 class parties, 2 school holiday concerts....which..come to think of it, if you count each of the activities that they have two of...that makes 10!!!!!!
ok..breathing.........no worries..it can all be done. I mean I only have two kids....what happens when you have more?
And I have to finish painting the backdrop for this weekend and make gingerbread house sides...
Yes, I most definitely made the right choice about surgery:)
Oh and I have created a pixie...Belle cut her hair(had it cut I mean...I wouldn't really let her cut her own...yet anyway) to donate to locks of love, the sweetie:) and now has a very cute short little swingy cut. The shortest in back it has been since it was first that length!!!! But she looks adorable and is very happy and that is all that matters anyway.
Hope you had a great weekend.
Blog ya later-
K
Thursday, December 4, 2008
These are the....
Days of Our Lives...ok...I admit it, I am a soap junkie. I don't watch all soaps, only one in fact-Days...but I can pretty much tell you all the characters regardless. That is because for 8 months one year when I was 20 I worked at a Tan Spa as a receptionist. It was a tiny hole in the wall with three beds run by a woman who had won part of her husbands hair salon in the divorce settlement and walled it off and opened a tan "spa"! Soooo...I spent most of my days watching TV. And I learned about all the soaps and the story lines have not changed really...maybe the next generation..but they were all kids back then so I know who they are too....
Anyway, I still watch Days if I am home at 2pm(which was all summer btw). I may do other things while it is on, but none-the-less it is still on. And so I have followed it for a long time and one of the characters has recently been diagnosed with cancer! Lung cancer, which is interesting, but I have a feeling that's because they didn't want to do the typical cancers since the character is a woman, but she was diagnosed in Nov...had a "round" of chemo and they said she was much better. I was like .....ok..is just the soap fast forwarding things...but then more tests..ect..it had spread, she needs a transplant.
Ok..soooo my point is...(sorry but the background was necessary) she said today as she was awaiting more results that all she wanted this year was to be around for one more Christmas........profound for a soap character. At least it was in how it resonated with me.
I feel lately like I have been waking up from a dream that was cancer. This summer..everything that went with it, is still going with it. But...I am starting to feel more like the old me. And yes I do think the hair and eyebrows/lashes has a lot to do with it. I can't imagine what the boobs will do-lol. But its more than that. I just feel like the old me...I think I had been numb..I don't know...anyway..I too am happy to be around this Christmas. For the briefest of times I feared that may not be the case in the beginning, and even now I know it could come back or I could walk outside and get hit by a crazy teenager speeding home after school...and so I am grateful every day to still be around.
Hope everyone is staying warm.
Blog ya later-
K
Anyway, I still watch Days if I am home at 2pm(which was all summer btw). I may do other things while it is on, but none-the-less it is still on. And so I have followed it for a long time and one of the characters has recently been diagnosed with cancer! Lung cancer, which is interesting, but I have a feeling that's because they didn't want to do the typical cancers since the character is a woman, but she was diagnosed in Nov...had a "round" of chemo and they said she was much better. I was like .....ok..is just the soap fast forwarding things...but then more tests..ect..it had spread, she needs a transplant.
Ok..soooo my point is...(sorry but the background was necessary) she said today as she was awaiting more results that all she wanted this year was to be around for one more Christmas........profound for a soap character. At least it was in how it resonated with me.
I feel lately like I have been waking up from a dream that was cancer. This summer..everything that went with it, is still going with it. But...I am starting to feel more like the old me. And yes I do think the hair and eyebrows/lashes has a lot to do with it. I can't imagine what the boobs will do-lol. But its more than that. I just feel like the old me...I think I had been numb..I don't know...anyway..I too am happy to be around this Christmas. For the briefest of times I feared that may not be the case in the beginning, and even now I know it could come back or I could walk outside and get hit by a crazy teenager speeding home after school...and so I am grateful every day to still be around.
Hope everyone is staying warm.
Blog ya later-
K
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Eyelashes
I have 'em and I love 'em wahoo!
I actually used an eyelash curler today...just because I could ya know:) They aren't as long as the old ones were..yet, I'm hoping it's yet anyway:) But regardless, you don't know what you've got till it's gone most definitely applies here! I don't think about my eyelashes often....well hardly ever before anyway. I might curl them because they are long but that is it. I rarely...and by rarely I mean I can actually count the instances on my fingers, of when I have ever worn mascara. It's just not me. I may change my mind in the future of course...we'll see how long these lashes get:D
But....in the meantime...I will just relish that I have them...wahoo:)
Blog ya later-
K
I actually used an eyelash curler today...just because I could ya know:) They aren't as long as the old ones were..yet, I'm hoping it's yet anyway:) But regardless, you don't know what you've got till it's gone most definitely applies here! I don't think about my eyelashes often....well hardly ever before anyway. I might curl them because they are long but that is it. I rarely...and by rarely I mean I can actually count the instances on my fingers, of when I have ever worn mascara. It's just not me. I may change my mind in the future of course...we'll see how long these lashes get:D
But....in the meantime...I will just relish that I have them...wahoo:)
Blog ya later-
K
Monday, December 1, 2008
Snow in the Lou
For those of you from St. Louis, waking up this morning and seeing the light dusting of snow made you all groan if you commute...didn't it?
I love the Lou....I think it is a great place in these days to raise a family..and I already mostly know my way around:P However, like every city, it has it's quirks. And one of the big ones is weather. Not just the fact that it is completely unpredictable from day to day, let alone hour to hour, but it is the fact that somehow weather seems to make people here forget how to drive. I'm not at all kidding on that one.
On a normal morning when I watch the morning news and they give the traffic updates for the "rush", there are 2-5 areas usually, and that doesn't necessarily mean accidents even, just areas where it is slower for some reason. And even occasionally, usually during the summer when there are no school buses and therefore just that much less traffic, there are no areas of concern for a given 20-30 minute time period!
But...you throw in rain, and it is a mess, you throw in a bit....and I do mean bit ...of snow and people panic and drive even worse! The morning commute maps are crazy! The last check up didn't even put everything up because it was too full!!!!!!
Just thought I'd share that with you and my sympathies for those that had to drive in that this morning. I am so very glad these days that I don't:)
Blog ya later-
K
I love the Lou....I think it is a great place in these days to raise a family..and I already mostly know my way around:P However, like every city, it has it's quirks. And one of the big ones is weather. Not just the fact that it is completely unpredictable from day to day, let alone hour to hour, but it is the fact that somehow weather seems to make people here forget how to drive. I'm not at all kidding on that one.
On a normal morning when I watch the morning news and they give the traffic updates for the "rush", there are 2-5 areas usually, and that doesn't necessarily mean accidents even, just areas where it is slower for some reason. And even occasionally, usually during the summer when there are no school buses and therefore just that much less traffic, there are no areas of concern for a given 20-30 minute time period!
But...you throw in rain, and it is a mess, you throw in a bit....and I do mean bit ...of snow and people panic and drive even worse! The morning commute maps are crazy! The last check up didn't even put everything up because it was too full!!!!!!
Just thought I'd share that with you and my sympathies for those that had to drive in that this morning. I am so very glad these days that I don't:)
Blog ya later-
K
Sunday, November 30, 2008
End of November
Well...today is the last day of the month. It seems like it has flown by. Especially this week.
I had Lexi's poetry presentation Monday and then lunch with mom. Tuesday I had Lexi's poetry presentation in the afternoon and then began Thanksgiving break:)
Wed., we went and got a tree with my dad and drove up to the cabin to leave it there. We stayed overnight and came back Thurs. am and then of course had all the day's activities, topping off with the annual Nertz card game with family friends. This year both our girls played. It was crazy. They are so grown up sometimes I can't believe they are mine....after all I am still 25...at least in many ways I still feel that way despite all of the things that have happened of late.
Anyway, the girls spent the night at my parents and Friday Ed and I got up and began the rearranging. It did go quite well, as everyone seems to be happy. Then the girls spent the night again on Friday at my parents so the dust and what not could all settle...plus the fact we had mountains of clean clothes on their beds but not sheets at that point!!!
Yesterday we got up and dealt with the clothes and beds and then cleaned the living room so we could set up for Christmas. We put up the tree and lights and then left the rest for the girls. Who we finally picked up after dinner, thanks mom and dad, you are amazing:) They came home and explored their rooms a bit and then showered and then decorated the tree and the rest of the living room. It looks amazing as you can see, I think they did a wonderful job.
And early this morning it snowed...just a dusting, but it was beautiful. I love snow btw and I even do snow dances during the winter because what's the point of it being cold and not having the pretty white stuff? But at this point today the snow has melted, altho we might get another dusting later...hooray.
One minor glitch......yesterday afternoon I kinda had an minor accident prone K moment....
We rearranged our furniture you know and I guess the dresser door wasn't completely shut tight and it opened when I shut another drawer and I turned fast and started going and kind of vaulted over it since it is only lower thigh high...and I landed all my weight on my right wrist.....kinda hurts.....its not broken but I worry a tad about all that weight and the impact on my wrist and elbow..cause that's how I hurt myself you know, joints not bones!
Anyway, hope you had a nice weekend.
May the Hope of the Season bless you-
Blog ya later-
K
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Hair
Mine..of course...is soooo long now that it is beyond that fuzzy chick stage that it was in just a day ago!!!! I am not kidding. Literally overnight it is no longer fuzzy, and yet still super soft, but starting to lay down on my head and so has lost that down fluffiness.
It is weird, I was just getting used to the fuzzies!
However, when I showered yesterday it got wet and even spiky when it was...I am looking forward to that:)
I hope you all have had a wonderful holiday weekend so far. We have rearranged all of the bedrooms and the living room to get ready for Christmas. The girls are back in their own bedrooms and that will be very nice. Even nicer once we put loft beds in and they have that extra space as a reading/lounging space. The living room is ready for the tree and the girls to decorate the rest of it for the holidays. Talk at y'all soon.
Have a good one.
Blog ya later-
K
It is weird, I was just getting used to the fuzzies!
However, when I showered yesterday it got wet and even spiky when it was...I am looking forward to that:)
I hope you all have had a wonderful holiday weekend so far. We have rearranged all of the bedrooms and the living room to get ready for Christmas. The girls are back in their own bedrooms and that will be very nice. Even nicer once we put loft beds in and they have that extra space as a reading/lounging space. The living room is ready for the tree and the girls to decorate the rest of it for the holidays. Talk at y'all soon.
Have a good one.
Blog ya later-
K
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Revelations
That I am slowly getting back to normal.
I had to wash my hair!!!! and shave my legs!!!! and I have to admit it was kind of nice just to be back in the routine. Of course my hair is still super short and so very soft and fuzzy....I don't recall having felt anything like it. My girls never had hair this short so I never got to experience this kind of fuzziness on them. It is almost like the down on a baby chick, and waterproof like that as well...it is quite strange in the shower, hard to describe except that it feels as if it doesn't get wet even though it is.....
I had some other startling thoughts listening to a Madonna cd that I love from a few years ago that is just as applicable to my life now but in very different ways..was intriguing to learn.
And last but not least I came up with a few ideas for names for the book, I am still debating but Ed liked them so we'll see.
Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving-
Blog ya later-
K
I had to wash my hair!!!! and shave my legs!!!! and I have to admit it was kind of nice just to be back in the routine. Of course my hair is still super short and so very soft and fuzzy....I don't recall having felt anything like it. My girls never had hair this short so I never got to experience this kind of fuzziness on them. It is almost like the down on a baby chick, and waterproof like that as well...it is quite strange in the shower, hard to describe except that it feels as if it doesn't get wet even though it is.....
I had some other startling thoughts listening to a Madonna cd that I love from a few years ago that is just as applicable to my life now but in very different ways..was intriguing to learn.
And last but not least I came up with a few ideas for names for the book, I am still debating but Ed liked them so we'll see.
Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving-
Blog ya later-
K
Saturday, November 22, 2008
What a week!
Well...to begin with, I didn't have a sinus infection..just a plain 'ol yucky cold, so no antibiotics, however, I am sticking with the later date anyway! I started thinking....are you nuts K? Having surgery 3 weeks before Christmas? What on earth are you thinking? ...
And I realized I wasn't. I was still on the "It's Cancer so we have to move fast and kill it track".
It has taken well...exactly 47 days(at that point) to figure out and accept I didn't have to think like that. Especially about this.
I mean the surgery isn't supposed to be awful...in fact, I truly have no idea what to expect anymore, but regardless I won't be able to use my arms very much(much less than the mastectomies) for 2 weeks this time....and I kind of use them....especially the three weeks leading up to Christmas!!!!!! So this is indeed for the best and I am at peace with it completely.
In other news I am feeling good..still a smidge stuffy but that is all. And...
my eyebrows are completely back. A bit weird as they were VERY full and I didn't want to do anything to early but I just couldn't stand it any more and had to shape them some this week. The funniest part is the fact that not a one of them has any sun lightening and.....they are very dark. Darker even than my hair! Which is also coming back...I have the shortest of crew cuts:)
We are spending the day recuperating from last night's PJ party for the scouts. Lexi got to spend the night, Belle did not...thankfully:D So I did not have to for one last year, next year will be my turn:) But none the less it has been a very teary morning and so we are settling in for a day of movies, games and crafts...and maybe bit of baking to warm up the house!
Hope you all are having a nice weekend too.
Blog ya later-
K
And I realized I wasn't. I was still on the "It's Cancer so we have to move fast and kill it track".
It has taken well...exactly 47 days(at that point) to figure out and accept I didn't have to think like that. Especially about this.
I mean the surgery isn't supposed to be awful...in fact, I truly have no idea what to expect anymore, but regardless I won't be able to use my arms very much(much less than the mastectomies) for 2 weeks this time....and I kind of use them....especially the three weeks leading up to Christmas!!!!!! So this is indeed for the best and I am at peace with it completely.
In other news I am feeling good..still a smidge stuffy but that is all. And...
my eyebrows are completely back. A bit weird as they were VERY full and I didn't want to do anything to early but I just couldn't stand it any more and had to shape them some this week. The funniest part is the fact that not a one of them has any sun lightening and.....they are very dark. Darker even than my hair! Which is also coming back...I have the shortest of crew cuts:)
We are spending the day recuperating from last night's PJ party for the scouts. Lexi got to spend the night, Belle did not...thankfully:D So I did not have to for one last year, next year will be my turn:) But none the less it has been a very teary morning and so we are settling in for a day of movies, games and crafts...and maybe bit of baking to warm up the house!
Hope you all are having a nice weekend too.
Blog ya later-
K
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Changes
This happened all the time when I was first diagnosed...I would blog about the next step and then everything would change!
It is no different this time. The funny thing is I actually waited several days to blog about the surgery thinking that if I did that it would be set in stone and I wouldn't have to worry about any changes....I was wrong!!!!
All last week the flu/cold has gone around my house and I took care of the sickies....and of course Sat. I woke up with it myself! Unfortunately I think I have a touch of a sinus infection too or maybe just a worse version as it is in my chest and I have been coughing and wheezing. So here's the deal...I can't have been on antibiotics for 14 days before surgery...and the z-pac my Dr. prescribes is a 14 day course and looking at the calendar and doing the math that puts us right at the week before Christmas to have the surgery...and that will just not work!
So it would appear that I will be having surgery in Jan....hopefully the 8th. That will not necessarily change all that much...may push back the rest of the timetable, but I have decided that I am in no hurry as I have the rest of my long long looooooong life ahead of me to enjoy the boobs:)
Hope you all are well.
Blog ya later-
K
It is no different this time. The funny thing is I actually waited several days to blog about the surgery thinking that if I did that it would be set in stone and I wouldn't have to worry about any changes....I was wrong!!!!
All last week the flu/cold has gone around my house and I took care of the sickies....and of course Sat. I woke up with it myself! Unfortunately I think I have a touch of a sinus infection too or maybe just a worse version as it is in my chest and I have been coughing and wheezing. So here's the deal...I can't have been on antibiotics for 14 days before surgery...and the z-pac my Dr. prescribes is a 14 day course and looking at the calendar and doing the math that puts us right at the week before Christmas to have the surgery...and that will just not work!
So it would appear that I will be having surgery in Jan....hopefully the 8th. That will not necessarily change all that much...may push back the rest of the timetable, but I have decided that I am in no hurry as I have the rest of my long long looooooong life ahead of me to enjoy the boobs:)
Hope you all are well.
Blog ya later-
K
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Masterpiece
The human body.
It is an amazing masterpiece. Really.
ok...yes..it is a masterpiece that is perfect at the beginning and continually gets worse as time goes on. But, during the journey, it is an amazing creation that continually defies the odds.
How do I prove this you might ask.....
look at my eyes and see the eyelashes growing back!!!!
I complain and wa la....it changes!
And about that body..well..this body, mine, specifically...I now have a timetable for the perky new boobs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It seems like so long ago that I started that mantra for myself as a way of coping and looking at the silver lining(LOL...the silver lining of cancer...that should be an oxymoron!) Anyway it would now appear that in the end it will be almost exactly a year from when I was diagnosed to when I will have my finished new boobs!
Starting Dec. 4th with the surgery to put in the expander implant. This will be more painful than the mastectomy the doctor said since she will move the muscle. I am not looking forward to that part except for the fact that I don't directly use those muscles to do basics like walk.....however I will again have the drains.....yuck....sigh...not a favorite part either.
Then 2-3 weeks after the surgery I can start the filling up process! That can take 6-10 weeks she guessed....but basically it will depend on me and how I can endure the stretching/pain and how fast I want to go. But if it takes 10 weeks that puts me at the beginning of March to be done with that.
Then we wait. We let them....settle! Well that and make sure that is truly what I want and then 3 months later we do the surgery to put in the actual implant.
And of course the recovery from that which should be minimal she said and then I am done!!!!!!!
Seems a long way off. But so does Dec. 4th...and then at other times it seems scarily close!
That sounded a bit weird that of all the stuff this surgery is more scary than the others. I don't have a solid explanation. Its just a feeling...maybe its because my mind has finally come out of the shock it was in all summer! Regardless I am doing it and I know it will be fine.
But before that I have to rearrange the girls rooms, finish the Christmas shopping, do a GS PJ party and oh yes..Thanksgiving..which mom will cook(hint hint..j/k, she always does and it is wonderful). So, I should probably quit my whining and go finish the swaps for the PJ party while I can:)
Blog ya later-
K
It is an amazing masterpiece. Really.
ok...yes..it is a masterpiece that is perfect at the beginning and continually gets worse as time goes on. But, during the journey, it is an amazing creation that continually defies the odds.
How do I prove this you might ask.....
look at my eyes and see the eyelashes growing back!!!!
I complain and wa la....it changes!
And about that body..well..this body, mine, specifically...I now have a timetable for the perky new boobs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It seems like so long ago that I started that mantra for myself as a way of coping and looking at the silver lining(LOL...the silver lining of cancer...that should be an oxymoron!) Anyway it would now appear that in the end it will be almost exactly a year from when I was diagnosed to when I will have my finished new boobs!
Starting Dec. 4th with the surgery to put in the expander implant. This will be more painful than the mastectomy the doctor said since she will move the muscle. I am not looking forward to that part except for the fact that I don't directly use those muscles to do basics like walk.....however I will again have the drains.....yuck....sigh...not a favorite part either.
Then 2-3 weeks after the surgery I can start the filling up process! That can take 6-10 weeks she guessed....but basically it will depend on me and how I can endure the stretching/pain and how fast I want to go. But if it takes 10 weeks that puts me at the beginning of March to be done with that.
Then we wait. We let them....settle! Well that and make sure that is truly what I want and then 3 months later we do the surgery to put in the actual implant.
And of course the recovery from that which should be minimal she said and then I am done!!!!!!!
Seems a long way off. But so does Dec. 4th...and then at other times it seems scarily close!
That sounded a bit weird that of all the stuff this surgery is more scary than the others. I don't have a solid explanation. Its just a feeling...maybe its because my mind has finally come out of the shock it was in all summer! Regardless I am doing it and I know it will be fine.
But before that I have to rearrange the girls rooms, finish the Christmas shopping, do a GS PJ party and oh yes..Thanksgiving..which mom will cook(hint hint..j/k, she always does and it is wonderful). So, I should probably quit my whining and go finish the swaps for the PJ party while I can:)
Blog ya later-
K
Saturday, November 8, 2008
It's funny...
how the simplest things can be life altering.
I wear contacts. Some of you may not have even realized that just because I never wear my glasses so you may not know. I have worn contacts since I was twelve and it is just a habit to put them in, I truly do not think about it anymore. In fact I don't even use a mirror to do it. I do however count on something I took for granted until recently...my eyelashes!!!!
I actually, truly, absolutely need them. Without them it is practically impossible to put my contacts in! I hate wearing glasses, because I hate to lose my peripheral vision. It drives me nuts to have the sides of my eyes be blurry..... but this morning it took me forever, ok just a few minutes...but multiple tries ,to get my contacts in and it was all due to the fact that I have no eyelashes to hold onto to hold my eyes open and even though I have been doing this for 24 years(!!!!!!!) the inborn reflex to close ones eyes as something is coming toward it is still alive!
Anyway that was somewhat frustrating this am...but now I am enjoying a quiet fall morning. Hope you are too and...did y'all see the snow up north..or not so north for some of you but....hmmmmm...snow....Yay:)
Blog ya later-
K
I wear contacts. Some of you may not have even realized that just because I never wear my glasses so you may not know. I have worn contacts since I was twelve and it is just a habit to put them in, I truly do not think about it anymore. In fact I don't even use a mirror to do it. I do however count on something I took for granted until recently...my eyelashes!!!!
I actually, truly, absolutely need them. Without them it is practically impossible to put my contacts in! I hate wearing glasses, because I hate to lose my peripheral vision. It drives me nuts to have the sides of my eyes be blurry..... but this morning it took me forever, ok just a few minutes...but multiple tries ,to get my contacts in and it was all due to the fact that I have no eyelashes to hold onto to hold my eyes open and even though I have been doing this for 24 years(!!!!!!!) the inborn reflex to close ones eyes as something is coming toward it is still alive!
Anyway that was somewhat frustrating this am...but now I am enjoying a quiet fall morning. Hope you are too and...did y'all see the snow up north..or not so north for some of you but....hmmmmm...snow....Yay:)
Blog ya later-
K
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Mostly Randomness
Firstly....I now have very few eyelashes left! The eyebrows are coming in quite strong. In fact, I think I'm going to have to pluck them even! But the eyelashes are getting very spotty. My upper lash on the right eye has about 10 left and they are all at the outer corner so it is very strange! Fortunately they too are growing back already and there is a short fringe coming in.
And while on the topic of hairs growing back...I am getting a nice fuzzy top to my head these days too! I am hoping that by Christmas it will be filled out enough and maybe a tad longer so I can go everywhere w/out my hat. There are still a few patchy spots but it is definitely coming along:)
Secondly, for the entire month of Oct I received an envelope everyday with no return address and mine printed on a label and inside were 4 pieces to a puzzle! I have been pondering every day who could be sending it...it has been driving all of us crazy actually. We had our suspicions about who it might be but we weren't ever sure. Yesterday I received a card and inside was the last piece to the puzzle and a name finally. It was such a wonderful and kind gift and it gave me something to look forward to every day:) However, a word of warning before you do this for someone...consider wrapping the puzzle pieces or something because they caught on the machines at the post office a lot and unfortunately they completely lost one set of four pieces. The USPS was nice enough to notice it had been opened and lost whatever had been in it and stamp "contents lost"....wasn't that helpful of them?......but it was very cool and a very neat idea too.
Third..I exercised for the first time today....and by that I mean I did my ballet and floor routines that I have been doing for years but not since May....ummm...I'm a bit sore! Not overly as I did not push myself, only do doing 2 sets of reps instead of 3-5 for each exercise and I must say...it is a good sore. I feel much better about me right this second than I have in a while. Ok that sounded quite depressing....I don't want you all to worry, that wasn't what I meant. I mean it was.....but not in the I have been depressed sort of way. If anything I think I have been readjusting mostly. It was as if I was starting to take back some control again. I won that battle. I can now retire to my camp tent, drink a bit of brandy, and then meet with my staff to find out how to best circle the wagons and keep that from ever escalating into all out war but in no hurry as we routed the enemy.
Lastly.......and this is totally random, one of those thoughts that popped into my mind late at night and I have been debating whether or not to share it but ...what the hay...it's actually a legitimate thought....
If it were warm enough....could I legally go without my shirt in public? Not that I would...but....I don't technically have the parts that make it indecent anymore do I? Something I might have done to protest having gotten cancer and that law(I'm guessing) when I was younger, but not anymore, the girls would never forgive me. I am considering bra burning in celebration of everything.....but it hasn't been cold enough consistently yet.
Ok...I think that was it for my brain dump tonight.
Blog ya later-
K
And while on the topic of hairs growing back...I am getting a nice fuzzy top to my head these days too! I am hoping that by Christmas it will be filled out enough and maybe a tad longer so I can go everywhere w/out my hat. There are still a few patchy spots but it is definitely coming along:)
Secondly, for the entire month of Oct I received an envelope everyday with no return address and mine printed on a label and inside were 4 pieces to a puzzle! I have been pondering every day who could be sending it...it has been driving all of us crazy actually. We had our suspicions about who it might be but we weren't ever sure. Yesterday I received a card and inside was the last piece to the puzzle and a name finally. It was such a wonderful and kind gift and it gave me something to look forward to every day:) However, a word of warning before you do this for someone...consider wrapping the puzzle pieces or something because they caught on the machines at the post office a lot and unfortunately they completely lost one set of four pieces. The USPS was nice enough to notice it had been opened and lost whatever had been in it and stamp "contents lost"....wasn't that helpful of them?......but it was very cool and a very neat idea too.
Third..I exercised for the first time today....and by that I mean I did my ballet and floor routines that I have been doing for years but not since May....ummm...I'm a bit sore! Not overly as I did not push myself, only do doing 2 sets of reps instead of 3-5 for each exercise and I must say...it is a good sore. I feel much better about me right this second than I have in a while. Ok that sounded quite depressing....I don't want you all to worry, that wasn't what I meant. I mean it was.....but not in the I have been depressed sort of way. If anything I think I have been readjusting mostly. It was as if I was starting to take back some control again. I won that battle. I can now retire to my camp tent, drink a bit of brandy, and then meet with my staff to find out how to best circle the wagons and keep that from ever escalating into all out war but in no hurry as we routed the enemy.
Lastly.......and this is totally random, one of those thoughts that popped into my mind late at night and I have been debating whether or not to share it but ...what the hay...it's actually a legitimate thought....
If it were warm enough....could I legally go without my shirt in public? Not that I would...but....I don't technically have the parts that make it indecent anymore do I? Something I might have done to protest having gotten cancer and that law(I'm guessing) when I was younger, but not anymore, the girls would never forgive me. I am considering bra burning in celebration of everything.....but it hasn't been cold enough consistently yet.
Ok...I think that was it for my brain dump tonight.
Blog ya later-
K
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Rock On
And by that I mean so many things. And I will go in reverse of how they have happened chronologically to explain them to you all:)
The girls and I took this day of them already being off to go see HSM3!!! Woohoo....ok, it was ....ok. Not the worst flick I've ever been to but certainly not the best either. However, we ended up meeting a couple of other families at the theater as a few other moms, dads and a grandma had the same idea:) We all sat together and not a spoiler but...a warning.........I cried, as did the two other moms. It was a bitter sweet type of Disney nostalgia that is perfect in these overly explicit times for my girls and every kid out there.
Before that we voted.
I always vote though. I was able to vote in my senior year of high school and I did...but, I have no idea what for specifically, but I know I did. And I have been taking the girls with me ever since they were born. They came with me again today, and they were wonderful. We talked about lots of things...not politics, as we had already made up our minds. I consider it a wonderful privilege to live in a country where we can vote and it makes a difference even. I try and teach and show my girls that by voting. I hope you exercised your privileged right as well.
Lexi has been a bit sick but was able to enjoy her most excellent last volleyball game of the season on Sat. The girls really played their hearts out all season and they all improved. Next year will be fun and we can't wait.
Halloween was great. Lexi went as a gypsy with a friend and Belle went as Hermoine from HP with her BFF. Ed ran the girls around and I sat out in the driveway with my mom and a fire(in our fire pit) and gave out candy. It was a beautiful evening and we thoroughly enjoyed it.
All of those things were varying degrees of cool and so they rocked in different ways.
Anyway....tomorrow will be a very different day.
Blog ya later-
K
The girls and I took this day of them already being off to go see HSM3!!! Woohoo....ok, it was ....ok. Not the worst flick I've ever been to but certainly not the best either. However, we ended up meeting a couple of other families at the theater as a few other moms, dads and a grandma had the same idea:) We all sat together and not a spoiler but...a warning.........I cried, as did the two other moms. It was a bitter sweet type of Disney nostalgia that is perfect in these overly explicit times for my girls and every kid out there.
Before that we voted.
I always vote though. I was able to vote in my senior year of high school and I did...but, I have no idea what for specifically, but I know I did. And I have been taking the girls with me ever since they were born. They came with me again today, and they were wonderful. We talked about lots of things...not politics, as we had already made up our minds. I consider it a wonderful privilege to live in a country where we can vote and it makes a difference even. I try and teach and show my girls that by voting. I hope you exercised your privileged right as well.
Lexi has been a bit sick but was able to enjoy her most excellent last volleyball game of the season on Sat. The girls really played their hearts out all season and they all improved. Next year will be fun and we can't wait.
Halloween was great. Lexi went as a gypsy with a friend and Belle went as Hermoine from HP with her BFF. Ed ran the girls around and I sat out in the driveway with my mom and a fire(in our fire pit) and gave out candy. It was a beautiful evening and we thoroughly enjoyed it.
All of those things were varying degrees of cool and so they rocked in different ways.
Anyway....tomorrow will be a very different day.
Blog ya later-
K
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
They're hair!!!
Sounds cooler when you say that in a small child's voice ala poltergeist:P
Anyway...I realized I had forgotten to mention a few things.
First, thanks to everyone who supported Passionately Pink last week. You guys are amazing.
Second, I am losing my eyebrows!!!!!!!! In fact I counted them last night and I have 27 left...TOTAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 12 on one side and 15 on the other! I'll let you guess as to which side has what:P I am also losing my eyelashes, but not at the same rate, there are just some interesting spaces...big gaps, in the fringe. Fortunately both the eyebrows and eyelashes are growing back, which is what is most important.
Thirdly, that brings me to my hair...it's back!!!! Ok, ok, it is just a bunch of fuzz at the moment BUT there is more fuzz coming in everyday:) We will see how this progresses. What I do know in the meantime, it is COLD out!!!!!!! I went out and bought two new little caps because it is very chilly on my bare head these days.
Anyway, enjoy the chilly day:)
Blog y later-
K
Anyway...I realized I had forgotten to mention a few things.
First, thanks to everyone who supported Passionately Pink last week. You guys are amazing.
Second, I am losing my eyebrows!!!!!!!! In fact I counted them last night and I have 27 left...TOTAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 12 on one side and 15 on the other! I'll let you guess as to which side has what:P I am also losing my eyelashes, but not at the same rate, there are just some interesting spaces...big gaps, in the fringe. Fortunately both the eyebrows and eyelashes are growing back, which is what is most important.
Thirdly, that brings me to my hair...it's back!!!! Ok, ok, it is just a bunch of fuzz at the moment BUT there is more fuzz coming in everyday:) We will see how this progresses. What I do know in the meantime, it is COLD out!!!!!!! I went out and bought two new little caps because it is very chilly on my bare head these days.
Anyway, enjoy the chilly day:)
Blog y later-
K
Monday, October 27, 2008
Survivor
It's a strange word.
Think for a moment what it can imply.
I mean...I survived this past week. It was crazy hectic, but I am here and not at all worn out...granted Ed and I pretty much lounged this weekend as the girls were both gone, but that was quite nice. I think we both still need time to recover from everything that has been happening to us since May.
In many ways I still can't believe the summer really happened. Of course when I look down it is pretty hard to ignore but I think in some way how I have coped is by being in a bit of denial about the whole thing. I don't know...my mind is constantly trying to make some sense of this. What is my purpose now? Granted it has made me realize once again how lucky I am to stay home and how much I want to continue to do that and be a part of the girls lives as much as I can before it isn't cool anymore. But I feel like there is more.
I have thought about finding a way to share my experience or maybe educate. I don't know. I kind of had an inspiration last night....what if we don't just educate the young women....but what about the men too? I mean if they are in a relationship they should help...they may be more of an expert on a woman's "girls" than she is!!!!
Anyway...just a thought:)
Hope you all are bundled up and how many of you are doing a happy dance as I am that we are getting a freeze tonight?!?! Yay-my allergies will be dormant for a few months:)
Blog ya later-
K
Think for a moment what it can imply.
I mean...I survived this past week. It was crazy hectic, but I am here and not at all worn out...granted Ed and I pretty much lounged this weekend as the girls were both gone, but that was quite nice. I think we both still need time to recover from everything that has been happening to us since May.
In many ways I still can't believe the summer really happened. Of course when I look down it is pretty hard to ignore but I think in some way how I have coped is by being in a bit of denial about the whole thing. I don't know...my mind is constantly trying to make some sense of this. What is my purpose now? Granted it has made me realize once again how lucky I am to stay home and how much I want to continue to do that and be a part of the girls lives as much as I can before it isn't cool anymore. But I feel like there is more.
I have thought about finding a way to share my experience or maybe educate. I don't know. I kind of had an inspiration last night....what if we don't just educate the young women....but what about the men too? I mean if they are in a relationship they should help...they may be more of an expert on a woman's "girls" than she is!!!!
Anyway...just a thought:)
Hope you all are bundled up and how many of you are doing a happy dance as I am that we are getting a freeze tonight?!?! Yay-my allergies will be dormant for a few months:)
Blog ya later-
K
Monday, October 20, 2008
Interesting
Its strange the things you don't think about until after the fact.....and this doesn't just apply to breast cancer, altho those are the examples I have at the moment:)
Its been two and a half weeks since I became boob-less....and I am getting used to it. I took off the steri strips on Sat. and I must say, the surgeon did excellent work. Granted it is not perfect yet, there was still some purple(!) marker along the edges of the scar, I'm assuming that was to show the line to cut and not some silly drawing they were doing:P and a bit of scabbing still, but other than that, it is perfect. A nice straight line that doesn't go too far into the middle so I could still wear some shirts with a v cut...of course I am guessing since I won't know for sure until I get the new boobies. So all looks well and I am well on my way to the next phase.
As for what I didn't expect.....the hardness in the area that is left. Yesterday B hugged me and she looked up and kind of frowned slightly and said, "Mom, I am gonna hug your tummy for a while, it's softer!" Which made me cringe on sooo very many levels! And then Lexi, who is actually at my boob height hugged me later and said, "Gee mom I really miss your boobs, they were so soft and cushiony!!!"
Now how does one deal with, let alone anticipate that?!?!?!? We talked about how my new boobs won't be all that cushiony either, but they won't be as hard as the area is now, but the girls looked highly skeptical at that prospect and I suspect they are going to wait and reserve judgement on that!
All of that led to one other thought....babies. Now, no worries, not thinking of having more, just about them. I am a baby magnet. Babies looooove me. I have always attributed this to two things-my hair(it was so bright and shiny, which we know babies love) and my boobs(which were so soft and cushy that who wouldn't want to lay their tiny head down against one and rest?) So now what will happen? Granted, at this point in time I will have to wait for my older brothers to get going on that but I do expect some more babies in the family eventually and I wonder...will they love me the same way as before or will the new boobies not lend themselves to the same cushyness?
Anyway, that was my thinking over the weekend. Now onto the week from ..beyond. Today we already had the orthodontic visit for both girls, piano after school, conferences tonight and tomorrow, volleyball tomorrow, midweek with kid's choir Wed., Fall Festival night at the school and Passionately Pink on Thurs., more PP on Fri. and HSM3 opens(OMG can u believe it?!?!?! and you have to say that in your head with a valley girl-esque accent and the energy of a 7 or 9 year old!) plus Lexi goes to Girl Scout camp for the weekend(1st time) and Belle is headed to the lake with N&P and ..oh yes...I turn 36!!!!!
Fortunately I will have all weekend to recover....unless I get motivated and paint Lexi's room....we'll see:)
Hope you all got out and enjoyed the amazing weather over the weekend:)
Blog ya later-
K
Its been two and a half weeks since I became boob-less....and I am getting used to it. I took off the steri strips on Sat. and I must say, the surgeon did excellent work. Granted it is not perfect yet, there was still some purple(!) marker along the edges of the scar, I'm assuming that was to show the line to cut and not some silly drawing they were doing:P and a bit of scabbing still, but other than that, it is perfect. A nice straight line that doesn't go too far into the middle so I could still wear some shirts with a v cut...of course I am guessing since I won't know for sure until I get the new boobies. So all looks well and I am well on my way to the next phase.
As for what I didn't expect.....the hardness in the area that is left. Yesterday B hugged me and she looked up and kind of frowned slightly and said, "Mom, I am gonna hug your tummy for a while, it's softer!" Which made me cringe on sooo very many levels! And then Lexi, who is actually at my boob height hugged me later and said, "Gee mom I really miss your boobs, they were so soft and cushiony!!!"
Now how does one deal with, let alone anticipate that?!?!?!? We talked about how my new boobs won't be all that cushiony either, but they won't be as hard as the area is now, but the girls looked highly skeptical at that prospect and I suspect they are going to wait and reserve judgement on that!
All of that led to one other thought....babies. Now, no worries, not thinking of having more, just about them. I am a baby magnet. Babies looooove me. I have always attributed this to two things-my hair(it was so bright and shiny, which we know babies love) and my boobs(which were so soft and cushy that who wouldn't want to lay their tiny head down against one and rest?) So now what will happen? Granted, at this point in time I will have to wait for my older brothers to get going on that but I do expect some more babies in the family eventually and I wonder...will they love me the same way as before or will the new boobies not lend themselves to the same cushyness?
Anyway, that was my thinking over the weekend. Now onto the week from ..beyond. Today we already had the orthodontic visit for both girls, piano after school, conferences tonight and tomorrow, volleyball tomorrow, midweek with kid's choir Wed., Fall Festival night at the school and Passionately Pink on Thurs., more PP on Fri. and HSM3 opens(OMG can u believe it?!?!?! and you have to say that in your head with a valley girl-esque accent and the energy of a 7 or 9 year old!) plus Lexi goes to Girl Scout camp for the weekend(1st time) and Belle is headed to the lake with N&P and ..oh yes...I turn 36!!!!!
Fortunately I will have all weekend to recover....unless I get motivated and paint Lexi's room....we'll see:)
Hope you all got out and enjoyed the amazing weather over the weekend:)
Blog ya later-
K
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Weird
I keep thinking that I am missing something when I go out these days. It will suddenly hit me....a bra! I could never really do that..even as a girl. If I did go without a bra it was only b/c I had on a big sweater or sweatshirt and it was out to the bus stop and back! So I will have a second of panic and then I remember that they are no longer there.
I look down and see the space where they were and realize.....sheesh my tummy has gotten bigger than I realized and man I have some work to do and.....wondering if the new ones will ever really fit.
I mean.....yes I had a love/hate relationship with them...as I suspect many women do. We wish we could change their shape/size/color/saggyness....and yet..they are not something than any women would just up and "Please take mine!"
I keep mulling over the issue of whether it was better to have months to adjust to the idea or if they had just taken them in June would it have been easier. I really think it would suck equally either way, which in itself sux......not a huge surprise considering the topic...you'd think I'd stop trying to make any sense out of any of this by now....surprising how much our minds wish to grasp the logic of things even when it is unattainable.
Anyway, I went in and saw the surgical oncologist today and she said the scars looked just great and everything looked good. She wants to see me in three months to make sure it has all healed well I suppose. Now its just the waiting game.
Well and the trying on game...but not yet..still a bit tender for that:)
Blog ya later-
K
I look down and see the space where they were and realize.....sheesh my tummy has gotten bigger than I realized and man I have some work to do and.....wondering if the new ones will ever really fit.
I mean.....yes I had a love/hate relationship with them...as I suspect many women do. We wish we could change their shape/size/color/saggyness....and yet..they are not something than any women would just up and "Please take mine!"
I keep mulling over the issue of whether it was better to have months to adjust to the idea or if they had just taken them in June would it have been easier. I really think it would suck equally either way, which in itself sux......not a huge surprise considering the topic...you'd think I'd stop trying to make any sense out of any of this by now....surprising how much our minds wish to grasp the logic of things even when it is unattainable.
Anyway, I went in and saw the surgical oncologist today and she said the scars looked just great and everything looked good. She wants to see me in three months to make sure it has all healed well I suppose. Now its just the waiting game.
Well and the trying on game...but not yet..still a bit tender for that:)
Blog ya later-
K
Friday, October 10, 2008
Celebrate
SO I had my visit with the nurse in the surgical dept. yesterday to get my drains out-YAY!
And then later with my oncologist about the pathology...and hip hip hooray-it was good.
The first lump had shrunk to under a cm and there was no second lump!!!! That means for sure no radiation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And for the first time in five months....the cloud that has been hovering over my life...has really dissipated!!! Granted..I will be ever vigilant... but the worry will lessen as the years go on. So now I am happy the drains are out and the vest is gone.....altho.....and I am sooooo loathe to admit this...........now that it's gone, I kind of miss it....a teeny tiny bit... just the pressure, but I still think it just fit me wrong and because of where it was cutting into me, it was also driving me nuts and I am better off without it anyway!
Of course now I have the very strange sensation of missing a whole section of me, between the collarbones and the end of my ribcage.
That is literally the closest way I can come to describing what it feels like. But that doesn't quite cover the whole feeling...because its not like phantom limbs.....it doesn't feel like a gaping hole...just a missing, empty feeling because it is still..and may always be numb.
Ok, so I don't even know if that rambling made sense...its very hard to describe, although I know some of you out there will understand only because you too have experienced it and how I wish none of us had. But anyway..on to the next phase.
I mean...now I am on to the perky new boobs...I can imagine they're on the horizon....or at least filling out my chest eventually and my hair is thinking about growing back. Of course those who knew me as a baby will remember I had no hair until I was 1 1/2 so it could be a while too...
Which means....for right now, I have never looked more like my brother--LOL...I have the broad Miller shoulders...(thanks Millers) absolutely no boobage(thanks cancer) and no hair(thanks cancer again!) Now granted it only works from the chest up....Below that I still have the long Miller and Shepherd legs...actually truly thanks for that ancestors, I need something to still feel a little like a girl these days:)
Thanks again for all the prayers and good thoughts sent my way during the surgery especially and over the whole summer as well. I will continue to keep you posted. The next step will be figuring out the size-LOL..aka.shopping for boobs.
Blog ya later-
K
And then later with my oncologist about the pathology...and hip hip hooray-it was good.
The first lump had shrunk to under a cm and there was no second lump!!!! That means for sure no radiation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And for the first time in five months....the cloud that has been hovering over my life...has really dissipated!!! Granted..I will be ever vigilant... but the worry will lessen as the years go on. So now I am happy the drains are out and the vest is gone.....altho.....and I am sooooo loathe to admit this...........now that it's gone, I kind of miss it....a teeny tiny bit... just the pressure, but I still think it just fit me wrong and because of where it was cutting into me, it was also driving me nuts and I am better off without it anyway!
Of course now I have the very strange sensation of missing a whole section of me, between the collarbones and the end of my ribcage.
That is literally the closest way I can come to describing what it feels like. But that doesn't quite cover the whole feeling...because its not like phantom limbs.....it doesn't feel like a gaping hole...just a missing, empty feeling because it is still..and may always be numb.
Ok, so I don't even know if that rambling made sense...its very hard to describe, although I know some of you out there will understand only because you too have experienced it and how I wish none of us had. But anyway..on to the next phase.
I mean...now I am on to the perky new boobs...I can imagine they're on the horizon....or at least filling out my chest eventually and my hair is thinking about growing back. Of course those who knew me as a baby will remember I had no hair until I was 1 1/2 so it could be a while too...
Which means....for right now, I have never looked more like my brother--LOL...I have the broad Miller shoulders...(thanks Millers) absolutely no boobage(thanks cancer) and no hair(thanks cancer again!) Now granted it only works from the chest up....Below that I still have the long Miller and Shepherd legs...actually truly thanks for that ancestors, I need something to still feel a little like a girl these days:)
Thanks again for all the prayers and good thoughts sent my way during the surgery especially and over the whole summer as well. I will continue to keep you posted. The next step will be figuring out the size-LOL..aka.shopping for boobs.
Blog ya later-
K
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
hmmmmm
I'm really not sure what to title this one.
not sure where I'm at these days.
I do know a few things....
1-my margins were all clean so as of Oct. 1st I was cancer-free. Woohoo.
2-in achieving that goal I lost two things I didn't think I would miss quite as much
3-corsets must have really, really sucked
4-I'm still a bit nervous about what comes next
I have looked at myself in those precious few minutes a day I am allowed freedom from the death vest...aka a compression vest, which yes, I know, is a good thing and performs a much needed and appreciated mission, but totally, totally is a big pain in the patootie...and...I am not that shocked per se. I mean yes...it is flat..a bit concave in parts which just goes to show they were waaaay too ginormous and a good thing to be rid of. Yes, there is a scar going all the way from the side of my armpit to almost the center or my chest on each side...gonna make swim suit shopping just that much more fun!Ha!
BUT...the space in between where they were and where they will be..is exactly the same as a week ago. And even though it really is quite different.....its still me....just a less of me, that's all.
Anyway-hope you all are well-
Blog ya later-
K
not sure where I'm at these days.
I do know a few things....
1-my margins were all clean so as of Oct. 1st I was cancer-free. Woohoo.
2-in achieving that goal I lost two things I didn't think I would miss quite as much
3-corsets must have really, really sucked
4-I'm still a bit nervous about what comes next
I have looked at myself in those precious few minutes a day I am allowed freedom from the death vest...aka a compression vest, which yes, I know, is a good thing and performs a much needed and appreciated mission, but totally, totally is a big pain in the patootie...and...I am not that shocked per se. I mean yes...it is flat..a bit concave in parts which just goes to show they were waaaay too ginormous and a good thing to be rid of. Yes, there is a scar going all the way from the side of my armpit to almost the center or my chest on each side...gonna make swim suit shopping just that much more fun!Ha!
BUT...the space in between where they were and where they will be..is exactly the same as a week ago. And even though it really is quite different.....its still me....just a less of me, that's all.
Anyway-hope you all are well-
Blog ya later-
K
Friday, October 3, 2008
Day 2
ok...it is day two after surgery and the heavy duty drugs they gave me during it have definitely worn off! However, I have found if I stay in one position then it doesn't hurt nearly as bad. All things told it is a different kind of pain too. Kind of a prickly, shooting pain as the nerve endings are waking back up and then general soreness every where else in my chest area!
The girls did ok with seeing me come home. Lexi is actually quite amused by the fact that it still looks like I have teeny tiny boobs from all the stuffing under the compression vest! But also by the fact that she is starting(or so she thinks) to get some teeny tiny itsy bitsy boobs and that hers may be bigger than mine for a few months......scary...and really not true, but if it makes her happy I will go along with it for now...but I'm not buying her a bra yet! Too early for that.
But both of them watched Ed empty my drains last night...with a sorta of sick fascination, you know, had to see it but were grossed out a bit too! And Ed has been wonderful. Taking care of my drains, pain meds, food, and the girls. He truly is an amazing man.
Ok...I think I am gonna lay back and watch Ellen for a bit before I nap again.
Blog ya later-
K
The girls did ok with seeing me come home. Lexi is actually quite amused by the fact that it still looks like I have teeny tiny boobs from all the stuffing under the compression vest! But also by the fact that she is starting(or so she thinks) to get some teeny tiny itsy bitsy boobs and that hers may be bigger than mine for a few months......scary...and really not true, but if it makes her happy I will go along with it for now...but I'm not buying her a bra yet! Too early for that.
But both of them watched Ed empty my drains last night...with a sorta of sick fascination, you know, had to see it but were grossed out a bit too! And Ed has been wonderful. Taking care of my drains, pain meds, food, and the girls. He truly is an amazing man.
Ok...I think I am gonna lay back and watch Ellen for a bit before I nap again.
Blog ya later-
K
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Boob-less!!!
Hi all-
Just a quick note to let you know surgery went well and now I am officially boob-less! The Dr. said everything looked good and we will get the pathology back early next week at the latest but she was very happy with what she saw...or didn't see:)
I am back at home after a loooooooooooooooong night of just dozing because the compression sleeves for my leg(to keep good circulation going during surgery) went off every 13 seconds.......yes...I counted ...again and again and again! But the pain is fairly non-exsitent for me, which is good too. And I saw my chest when the Dr came to check the sutures and I have to say....was not as bad as I expected....just kind of looked like I hadn't hit puberty yet! The scars are pretty clean too, just one line across each boob area and that was it. It was a bit swollen so I don't know how much skin got "left" if any, but I am not gonna worry about the stretching part until it happens:)
Anyway, I am glad it is over and once the pain meds wear off I am sure I will be more expressive...that and once I really get a good look at the scars too, but thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, they really did form a protective web around me yesterday and obviously worked:)
Love you all.
Blog ya later
K
PS...I did take a before shot for posterity...and to be able to show the girls, should they ever get giganto boobs, that it really does run in the family:P
Just a quick note to let you know surgery went well and now I am officially boob-less! The Dr. said everything looked good and we will get the pathology back early next week at the latest but she was very happy with what she saw...or didn't see:)
I am back at home after a loooooooooooooooong night of just dozing because the compression sleeves for my leg(to keep good circulation going during surgery) went off every 13 seconds.......yes...I counted ...again and again and again! But the pain is fairly non-exsitent for me, which is good too. And I saw my chest when the Dr came to check the sutures and I have to say....was not as bad as I expected....just kind of looked like I hadn't hit puberty yet! The scars are pretty clean too, just one line across each boob area and that was it. It was a bit swollen so I don't know how much skin got "left" if any, but I am not gonna worry about the stretching part until it happens:)
Anyway, I am glad it is over and once the pain meds wear off I am sure I will be more expressive...that and once I really get a good look at the scars too, but thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, they really did form a protective web around me yesterday and obviously worked:)
Love you all.
Blog ya later
K
PS...I did take a before shot for posterity...and to be able to show the girls, should they ever get giganto boobs, that it really does run in the family:P
Monday, September 29, 2008
My "girls"
Soooo...I have less than 48 hours left with the twins and I am starting to think I should have enjoyed them more than I have.....
After all...they never got to experience Mardi Gras and getting beads, they've not seen the sun..EVER(ok well at least not since I was out of diapers anyway), they have never been to the east side, or really even on a bar dancing, heck they don't even really pop out of any of my clothes, and they have never helped me do a jello shot or put on lipstick a la Molly Ringwald in Breakfast Club, the poor girls have led a rather shelter life and it will soon be over.....I am feeling kind of neglectful-LOL
Ok, I kid....mostly anyway. I wouldn't actually have the nerve to do most of that stuff anyway! But I am starting to feel a bit sad that they will be gone soon. Don't get me wrong, I am still going to have the surgery, no question about that, and I will still have reconstruction and get my perky new boobs(YAY) but ..... they have been a part of me forever..like my whole life(LOL) and it will be strange to not have them anymore. So I am slightly melancholy about it at the moment.
I did have one nice moment this weekend though....I was doing laundry and emptying the dryer and found a bra that I had missed pulling out beforehand and I was very unhappy because it is one of my favorites until I realized...after Wed. I won't need them anymore!!!! And eventually even if I do want to wear a bra...it won't be this size anyway!!!!!! So no harm was done and it made me smile, so yes, there is still a big silver lining to it all:)
Hope you all had a nice weekend and are ready or fall weather finally, I certainly am:)
Blog ya later-
K
After all...they never got to experience Mardi Gras and getting beads, they've not seen the sun..EVER(ok well at least not since I was out of diapers anyway), they have never been to the east side, or really even on a bar dancing, heck they don't even really pop out of any of my clothes, and they have never helped me do a jello shot or put on lipstick a la Molly Ringwald in Breakfast Club, the poor girls have led a rather shelter life and it will soon be over.....I am feeling kind of neglectful-LOL
Ok, I kid....mostly anyway. I wouldn't actually have the nerve to do most of that stuff anyway! But I am starting to feel a bit sad that they will be gone soon. Don't get me wrong, I am still going to have the surgery, no question about that, and I will still have reconstruction and get my perky new boobs(YAY) but ..... they have been a part of me forever..like my whole life(LOL) and it will be strange to not have them anymore. So I am slightly melancholy about it at the moment.
I did have one nice moment this weekend though....I was doing laundry and emptying the dryer and found a bra that I had missed pulling out beforehand and I was very unhappy because it is one of my favorites until I realized...after Wed. I won't need them anymore!!!! And eventually even if I do want to wear a bra...it won't be this size anyway!!!!!! So no harm was done and it made me smile, so yes, there is still a big silver lining to it all:)
Hope you all had a nice weekend and are ready or fall weather finally, I certainly am:)
Blog ya later-
K
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
The Good, the BAD and the Ugly!
Of cancer...and chemo in particular!(I am sure I will do this again after all of the boob stuff)
I have been compiling my list of these things all summer long and have decided to share...I've shared pretty much everything else so why not, eh? I am going to go backwards with the list though....
The Ugly.....
Only one thing really comes to mind...my scar from the port. Its not even that big, but it is in a spot that will be forever visible. I don't consider the other scar(from the lymph nodes) as ugly because it is a-under my arm and b- in the shape of a smiley face which I happen to think was a sign since the cancer had not spread and so it is a happy reminder of that:)
The BAD.....
chemo itself....I mean the meds are all about killing cells...'nuff said
nausea
pain
hot flashes(which are really coming on strong at the moment and are not fun at all)
losing my hair
feeling out of control
tiredness
having to explain to my girls
telling my mom and dad
telling Ed
The Good.....
There are a few things that are not so bad side effects of chemo and I figured they deserve their time in the spotlight since they are some of the things which I have actually enjoyed or learned from...
Not having to shave my legs or armpits!!!!!!
No period since June!!!!!
Being able to eat really super spicy foods(no taste buds:P )
Reconnecting with old friends
Finding out who my friends were
Finding out I had more friends than I realized
Realizing life can be short so enjoying every moment
Finding out that my girls are very strong young women already
Being reminded again of just how amazing of a man I married
Accepting that once again....it is not about my plans and timetables, but His
Allowing my ego and self to take a back burner and let others care for me
Finding out I am strong too
And am sure I will think of more....or maybe they will just evolve with the boob stuff!
Anyway.....thank you all for being with me on this journey, I wish none of us would have had to make it at all but I am glad you were with me:)
Blog ya later-
K
I have been compiling my list of these things all summer long and have decided to share...I've shared pretty much everything else so why not, eh? I am going to go backwards with the list though....
The Ugly.....
Only one thing really comes to mind...my scar from the port. Its not even that big, but it is in a spot that will be forever visible. I don't consider the other scar(from the lymph nodes) as ugly because it is a-under my arm and b- in the shape of a smiley face which I happen to think was a sign since the cancer had not spread and so it is a happy reminder of that:)
The BAD.....
chemo itself....I mean the meds are all about killing cells...'nuff said
nausea
pain
hot flashes(which are really coming on strong at the moment and are not fun at all)
losing my hair
feeling out of control
tiredness
having to explain to my girls
telling my mom and dad
telling Ed
The Good.....
There are a few things that are not so bad side effects of chemo and I figured they deserve their time in the spotlight since they are some of the things which I have actually enjoyed or learned from...
Not having to shave my legs or armpits!!!!!!
No period since June!!!!!
Being able to eat really super spicy foods(no taste buds:P )
Reconnecting with old friends
Finding out who my friends were
Finding out I had more friends than I realized
Realizing life can be short so enjoying every moment
Finding out that my girls are very strong young women already
Being reminded again of just how amazing of a man I married
Accepting that once again....it is not about my plans and timetables, but His
Allowing my ego and self to take a back burner and let others care for me
Finding out I am strong too
And am sure I will think of more....or maybe they will just evolve with the boob stuff!
Anyway.....thank you all for being with me on this journey, I wish none of us would have had to make it at all but I am glad you were with me:)
Blog ya later-
K
Monday, September 22, 2008
I am pink already!!!
So I set up my "site" for the Passionately Pink for the Cure campaign and I already have had an overwhelming response and it hasn't even been 24 hours yet!!!!
I honestly didn't plan on sending an email to everyone that had been on that list but I couldn't figure out how to get it to only highlight some people so I finally gave up and just hit send to all.....and wow...what a response:)
I have literally been teary eyed since last night when the first pledges started coming up and it hasn't stopped....I am beginning to wonder if I will dehydrate myself from all the crying!
But I have also been thinking about what to wear and the girls have been working on several designs for our tshirts and are still arguing over who has the better one so it will be a few days before I figure out how to compromise judiciously between the two:P I will then post it though so you all can see and if you want to make one feel free to be creative or just to wear pink...heck I don't care I'm gonna be blinded by my tears for the next month anyway:D
I did have one thought though.....I would love to be able to get a picture of everyone together who is going pink. Now I realize that won't be possible for those who live out of town, but I would love for you to send me a pic of your pink and I promise I won't post it unless you say ok, I mostly just want to see how pink everyone gets. For those that are in town, and specifically at the girls' school, I would love to have everyone wear their pink to the fall festival and then get a picture with everyone in it.
If you want to be included send me an email or drop a note here and as it gets closer I will figure out the time and place to take the pic.
Once again, thanks to all the angels out there who are holding me up....without you all I would not be able to be here. I love you all.
Blog ya later-
K
I honestly didn't plan on sending an email to everyone that had been on that list but I couldn't figure out how to get it to only highlight some people so I finally gave up and just hit send to all.....and wow...what a response:)
I have literally been teary eyed since last night when the first pledges started coming up and it hasn't stopped....I am beginning to wonder if I will dehydrate myself from all the crying!
But I have also been thinking about what to wear and the girls have been working on several designs for our tshirts and are still arguing over who has the better one so it will be a few days before I figure out how to compromise judiciously between the two:P I will then post it though so you all can see and if you want to make one feel free to be creative or just to wear pink...heck I don't care I'm gonna be blinded by my tears for the next month anyway:D
I did have one thought though.....I would love to be able to get a picture of everyone together who is going pink. Now I realize that won't be possible for those who live out of town, but I would love for you to send me a pic of your pink and I promise I won't post it unless you say ok, I mostly just want to see how pink everyone gets. For those that are in town, and specifically at the girls' school, I would love to have everyone wear their pink to the fall festival and then get a picture with everyone in it.
If you want to be included send me an email or drop a note here and as it gets closer I will figure out the time and place to take the pic.
Once again, thanks to all the angels out there who are holding me up....without you all I would not be able to be here. I love you all.
Blog ya later-
K
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Passionately Pink
So I went and signed up officially for my passionately pink day! I will give the link at the end of this post to where you can send in a donation.
I have decided to have two days that you could choose from. My birthday is Friday Oct.24th but my kiddos and many of yours have that day off school. So my girls asked if they could wear their pink on Thursday the 23rd instead and I of course said yes:) So I am giving you the option of either or heck...both if you want:D
It is something I will be doing every year from here on out, just so you know, and I would love to have all of you participate each year as well. This year when you sign up I will then send you a pin to wear so don't forget to put down an address for me to send it to. For next year I will have plenty of time to get crafty so keep that in mind. As for what you wear...I don't have a set outfit in mind...or even a set amount of pink. You can just wear the little pin or you could literally go head to toe in pink if that is your desire:) Personally I don't have that much pink...just not a pink person in my clothing choices so I will have to search my drawers to find a shirt:) Although I may just go to the Komen site and get something new to celebrate my new bday this year.
Anyhoo...you may have received an email by now promoting this campaign...possibly two(sorry couldn't get it to work precisely how I wanted) but if not, here is the link to my page for the PP4aC where you can directly donate to Komen online.
Thanks again to everyone who has supported me in all the various ways through this summer.
I love ya more than words:)
Blog ya later-
K
http://www.komendonations.org/site/TR/PassionatelyPink/PassionatelyPink?px=2932719&pg=personal&fr_id=1080&et=2ieVghJR-He44TCy3XYhRw..&s_tafId=10350
and if that link doesn't work...leave a comment and I will try and figure it out again.
PS...if you by chance don't have anything pink to wear...check out the Komen site...they have a ton of stuff. You can get it directly from the main Komen site or go to a local affliate sight and buy from them, and in that case the money goes directly to the affliate not the general fund. But a percentage of every proceeds go towards fighting breast cancer and you can't beat that:)
I have decided to have two days that you could choose from. My birthday is Friday Oct.24th but my kiddos and many of yours have that day off school. So my girls asked if they could wear their pink on Thursday the 23rd instead and I of course said yes:) So I am giving you the option of either or heck...both if you want:D
It is something I will be doing every year from here on out, just so you know, and I would love to have all of you participate each year as well. This year when you sign up I will then send you a pin to wear so don't forget to put down an address for me to send it to. For next year I will have plenty of time to get crafty so keep that in mind. As for what you wear...I don't have a set outfit in mind...or even a set amount of pink. You can just wear the little pin or you could literally go head to toe in pink if that is your desire:) Personally I don't have that much pink...just not a pink person in my clothing choices so I will have to search my drawers to find a shirt:) Although I may just go to the Komen site and get something new to celebrate my new bday this year.
Anyhoo...you may have received an email by now promoting this campaign...possibly two(sorry couldn't get it to work precisely how I wanted) but if not, here is the link to my page for the PP4aC where you can directly donate to Komen online.
Thanks again to everyone who has supported me in all the various ways through this summer.
I love ya more than words:)
Blog ya later-
K
http://www.komendonations.org/site/TR/PassionatelyPink/PassionatelyPink?px=2932719&pg=personal&fr_id=1080&et=2ieVghJR-He44TCy3XYhRw..&s_tafId=10350
and if that link doesn't work...leave a comment and I will try and figure it out again.
PS...if you by chance don't have anything pink to wear...check out the Komen site...they have a ton of stuff. You can get it directly from the main Komen site or go to a local affliate sight and buy from them, and in that case the money goes directly to the affliate not the general fund. But a percentage of every proceeds go towards fighting breast cancer and you can't beat that:)
Friday, September 19, 2008
Friday Night Lights
Well, tonight we went across the street to the high school to watch B cheer with the "big girls" at a football game. It also happened to be a night where they were honoring a fallen firefighter who went to school there, you may know him, or of him at least, Ryan Hummert. It was quite moving to see all of the cheerleaders wearing t-shirts with his number on it and the four local elementary schools raised over $1000 dollars from the kids just today to help with a scholarship fund in his name. It is nice to know that the community will always come together in honor of someone special.
As for B....she was highly entertaining, as usual:) She jumped and cheered and screamed her little heart out and loved every minute. L was able to ...wander with her friends and she had a great time as well, the only kink in her night was that we wouldn't let her stay for the whole game! However she does have vb early and it was hot and starting to wear on me a bit...but I assured her that soon enough she would be walking across the street by herself to the games and we wouldn't even be there.....well maybe we still will, but not in the same parent watcher-overer capacity. Anyhoo...made me realize just how fast they are growing up and how very much I don't like that one bit!
As for me....the days of pain have begun, although it hasn't been too bad so far(still I did just knock on wood) but I can at least look forward to not having to go through it again either! I am looking ahead to everything to come and thinking way too much about it as always but one thing I have thought a great deal about is next month's "Think Pink" campaign. If you haven't committed to doing that for/with anyone yet..mark the 24th off on your calendar. It will be my 36th(egads!) bday and I would like to celebrate it by supporting breast cancer research through Komen and the "Think Pink" campaign. If you would like to join me, you pledge between $1 and $5 and then wear pink on that day...its really pretty simple, but it means so much.
Sooooo...if you want to do this please email me or if you don't have my email, leave me a "comment" here as they are totally confidential and you can give me your email so I can send you more information and I will never post it on the blog.
I will post more on it soon.
Thanks for all of your thoughts these past few months, they truly have carried me through.
Blog ya later-
K
As for B....she was highly entertaining, as usual:) She jumped and cheered and screamed her little heart out and loved every minute. L was able to ...wander with her friends and she had a great time as well, the only kink in her night was that we wouldn't let her stay for the whole game! However she does have vb early and it was hot and starting to wear on me a bit...but I assured her that soon enough she would be walking across the street by herself to the games and we wouldn't even be there.....well maybe we still will, but not in the same parent watcher-overer capacity. Anyhoo...made me realize just how fast they are growing up and how very much I don't like that one bit!
As for me....the days of pain have begun, although it hasn't been too bad so far(still I did just knock on wood) but I can at least look forward to not having to go through it again either! I am looking ahead to everything to come and thinking way too much about it as always but one thing I have thought a great deal about is next month's "Think Pink" campaign. If you haven't committed to doing that for/with anyone yet..mark the 24th off on your calendar. It will be my 36th(egads!) bday and I would like to celebrate it by supporting breast cancer research through Komen and the "Think Pink" campaign. If you would like to join me, you pledge between $1 and $5 and then wear pink on that day...its really pretty simple, but it means so much.
Sooooo...if you want to do this please email me or if you don't have my email, leave me a "comment" here as they are totally confidential and you can give me your email so I can send you more information and I will never post it on the blog.
I will post more on it soon.
Thanks for all of your thoughts these past few months, they truly have carried me through.
Blog ya later-
K
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Happy Dance Time!
C'mon y'all get up and do a happy dance with me...I am done with chemo!!!!!!!!
I had my last treatment yesterday and am kind of in shock.....albeit a good kind of stupor, but...I have been so focused for the past four months on getting through chemo and now that I am .... I'm not quite sure what to do anymore!! But don't worry too much, I am sure I will find multiple things to occupy my mind and time:)
I also went in today to meet with my surgeon and the bilateral mastectomy surgery is scheduled for Oct.1, with the reconstruction to follow in early Dec. hopefully. She also said that she was fairly sure that I wouldn't need radiation, which is very nice. So as long as it all goes well and the pathology comes back as all clear I should be good:)
So...I am on cloud nine..until Thursday when the 3 days of pain kick in...but I can deal with that ...after all I have some pretty good pain pills still:P
Hope you all are well and stayed mostly high and dry through this past weekend of crazy Ike insanity.
Blog ya later-
K
I had my last treatment yesterday and am kind of in shock.....albeit a good kind of stupor, but...I have been so focused for the past four months on getting through chemo and now that I am .... I'm not quite sure what to do anymore!! But don't worry too much, I am sure I will find multiple things to occupy my mind and time:)
I also went in today to meet with my surgeon and the bilateral mastectomy surgery is scheduled for Oct.1, with the reconstruction to follow in early Dec. hopefully. She also said that she was fairly sure that I wouldn't need radiation, which is very nice. So as long as it all goes well and the pathology comes back as all clear I should be good:)
So...I am on cloud nine..until Thursday when the 3 days of pain kick in...but I can deal with that ...after all I have some pretty good pain pills still:P
Hope you all are well and stayed mostly high and dry through this past weekend of crazy Ike insanity.
Blog ya later-
K
Saturday, September 6, 2008
New Surgeon, New Plan
Well, I went to see the new plastic surgeon yesterday....and both mom and I really like her. That and she told me facts and options that weren't even covered with the other one, oh...and insurance totally covers everything with her:) So I am going with her.
But that once again means a total change in plans...ya think I'd be used to that by now! Basically what we are going to do now is have the bilateral mastectomy in early Oct. as planned, but that is it for that point. It will mean a much lower complication rate, a much, much shorter(only one week) recovery time and then we will see how my body will heal and if I would need radiation. This plan is the way I am going for several reasons including those listed above, but also the fact that because of my ginormous boobs, there is no way to tell how much of my skin was dependant on certain blood vessels and such that will no longer be there. Which if the skin then died, would require a new operation to get rid of it and that could cause more complications if the implants were already in there.
So, I will heal for 2-3 months and then begin the implantation process(that sounds rather Borgish-lol). That also will have a much lower complication rate, only 2% vs 30% when combining the surgeries, and a much quicker recovery at 2 weeks vs the 5-6 when it is all combined! Overall it will take more time, but I think I would rather take a bit more time and have semi nice boobs than just "get it done with" and possibly have problems. Not to mention that should I have to have radiation(which at this point we are still thinking no, keep your fingers crossed) I could do that and not destroy the implant which is what happens when you do radiation with an implant, b/c mine wouldn't be there!
And one final bonus to my new Dr....she gets to use gummy bear boobs!!!!!! Now laugh away b/c I did, but listen to how cool this is. There is a newer type of implant that they have nicknamed "gummy bear boobs" due to the gel material inside and how it behaves. When you cut the implant open, it stays together like the inside of a gummy bear!!! Pretty darn cool in case anything would happen. There is the chance for leakage and severe complications if the other implants should burst or split or anything of that nature but not with these! And they are projected to last at least 12 years if not 15-20, vs.5-8 with the others...isn't that something they should tell you at the visit too?!?!?! Especially since I would have to eventually get replacements! So, she is one of 65 Dr.s in the U.S. who is certified to use these and I was lucky enough to find her...thanks Sue and Sue's friend:)
That is the plan for now. Of course things can always change, but hopefully not by much more than week of waiting for something from now on:)
As for me....it is again my 3 days of pain weekend, although this round it started on day 2!!! But, I have stopped trying to be a hero and just started popping the pain pills when I hurt because....well that's what they are for and it hurts! I have also started having a bit of neuropathy...and "I feel it in my fingers...I feel it in my toes"..sing it with me if you know it:P It's not actually bad at this point, just a bit tingly. And really only in my pointer finger on my right hand, my pinky on my left, and my big toe on my right foot...go figure! So it is actually kind of fun as I just check them every few minutes to make sure they are still there, gives me something to do!
One last thing.......I broke down.....and bought a wig!!!! Now, just a slight...ok, a huge warning....if you know/knew me....you will not recognize me at all! With the girls help I picked out an auburn colored wig that has bangs, face framing layers and is past shoulder length! The only thing similar to my old hair is the length! I said I wanted something completely different and it really, really, really is:) But that is the fun of it:) I won't be wearing it all the time but it will be nice to have for special occasions and for when it gets cold.....especially since my hair seems to be in stall mode as far as growing back! And...when I do get my hair back...rest assured it will be blonde.....no matter what, it will be blonde:D So I can still use the wig then for my secret spy missions:)
Hope you all are enjoying this beautiful weather!
Blog ya later-
K
But that once again means a total change in plans...ya think I'd be used to that by now! Basically what we are going to do now is have the bilateral mastectomy in early Oct. as planned, but that is it for that point. It will mean a much lower complication rate, a much, much shorter(only one week) recovery time and then we will see how my body will heal and if I would need radiation. This plan is the way I am going for several reasons including those listed above, but also the fact that because of my ginormous boobs, there is no way to tell how much of my skin was dependant on certain blood vessels and such that will no longer be there. Which if the skin then died, would require a new operation to get rid of it and that could cause more complications if the implants were already in there.
So, I will heal for 2-3 months and then begin the implantation process(that sounds rather Borgish-lol). That also will have a much lower complication rate, only 2% vs 30% when combining the surgeries, and a much quicker recovery at 2 weeks vs the 5-6 when it is all combined! Overall it will take more time, but I think I would rather take a bit more time and have semi nice boobs than just "get it done with" and possibly have problems. Not to mention that should I have to have radiation(which at this point we are still thinking no, keep your fingers crossed) I could do that and not destroy the implant which is what happens when you do radiation with an implant, b/c mine wouldn't be there!
And one final bonus to my new Dr....she gets to use gummy bear boobs!!!!!! Now laugh away b/c I did, but listen to how cool this is. There is a newer type of implant that they have nicknamed "gummy bear boobs" due to the gel material inside and how it behaves. When you cut the implant open, it stays together like the inside of a gummy bear!!! Pretty darn cool in case anything would happen. There is the chance for leakage and severe complications if the other implants should burst or split or anything of that nature but not with these! And they are projected to last at least 12 years if not 15-20, vs.5-8 with the others...isn't that something they should tell you at the visit too?!?!?! Especially since I would have to eventually get replacements! So, she is one of 65 Dr.s in the U.S. who is certified to use these and I was lucky enough to find her...thanks Sue and Sue's friend:)
That is the plan for now. Of course things can always change, but hopefully not by much more than week of waiting for something from now on:)
As for me....it is again my 3 days of pain weekend, although this round it started on day 2!!! But, I have stopped trying to be a hero and just started popping the pain pills when I hurt because....well that's what they are for and it hurts! I have also started having a bit of neuropathy...and "I feel it in my fingers...I feel it in my toes"..sing it with me if you know it:P It's not actually bad at this point, just a bit tingly. And really only in my pointer finger on my right hand, my pinky on my left, and my big toe on my right foot...go figure! So it is actually kind of fun as I just check them every few minutes to make sure they are still there, gives me something to do!
One last thing.......I broke down.....and bought a wig!!!! Now, just a slight...ok, a huge warning....if you know/knew me....you will not recognize me at all! With the girls help I picked out an auburn colored wig that has bangs, face framing layers and is past shoulder length! The only thing similar to my old hair is the length! I said I wanted something completely different and it really, really, really is:) But that is the fun of it:) I won't be wearing it all the time but it will be nice to have for special occasions and for when it gets cold.....especially since my hair seems to be in stall mode as far as growing back! And...when I do get my hair back...rest assured it will be blonde.....no matter what, it will be blonde:D So I can still use the wig then for my secret spy missions:)
Hope you all are enjoying this beautiful weather!
Blog ya later-
K
Friday, September 5, 2008
Did you stand up?
I hope you did.....I hope you all did for yourselves, your spouses, parents, children, siblings, family and friends. No one should ever have to go through what someone who is diagnosed with cancer does. I have been so very lucky to have caught it early, had exceptional doctors and an incredible network of you all supporting me. Unfortunately not everyone is so lucky.
It is a dream I have that by the time L and B are old enough for this gene they might carry to possibly affect them, it will no longer be an issue. There will be a simple vaccine or procedure and that is it.....nothing more. It's not a very complicated dream but it is one that can only be realized with the medical research and the dedication from all sectors of America to stem this horrible disease.
I hope....that you hope too.
K
It is a dream I have that by the time L and B are old enough for this gene they might carry to possibly affect them, it will no longer be an issue. There will be a simple vaccine or procedure and that is it.....nothing more. It's not a very complicated dream but it is one that can only be realized with the medical research and the dedication from all sectors of America to stem this horrible disease.
I hope....that you hope too.
K
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Only One Left!!!!
Well I had my 7th(can you believe it!) treatment yesterday so only one left now......WOOOOOHOOOOO!
It went well except I took the wrong pain pill last night and it didn't quite counteract the steroids as well as I hoped and I was up most of the night. But on a positive note, I planned out all my Brownie stuff for the year, made a design for my paper making press, planned how to add special fonts and extras into the paper, wrote three chapters in the chemo book and read half a romance novel, so it wasn't a complete waste of time:P
As for the whole insurance thing of the last post......the Dr.s office has said that they just don't deal with the insurance anymore but will only charge me what my in-network co-pays would be...and that sounds nice and all but I am just not sure how that will work so I now have to call the insurance company and find out exactly what those would entail including any deductibles. In the meantime I did find another plastic surgeon who does take my insurance, is a women and was highly recommended by a friend of a friend and so I have an appt. with her on Friday. I think I am going to go and see how I like her and then make my decision. It just seems that it might be easier for me to not have to worry about there being any chance of us getting screwed on a bill rather than just going with someone who will process it all for me. Of course I will first have to see if I like her but I am hoping for the best.
Other than that we are chugging along here as the calendar slowly fills with all of the extra activities that come with a school year:)
Hope you all are well.
Blog ya later-
K
PS......if you haven't already, please take time to click on the two buttons to fill out the survey at the top right corner of the blog. It doesn't ask for your name or anything else but I am just very curious as to who reads this....thanks-K
It went well except I took the wrong pain pill last night and it didn't quite counteract the steroids as well as I hoped and I was up most of the night. But on a positive note, I planned out all my Brownie stuff for the year, made a design for my paper making press, planned how to add special fonts and extras into the paper, wrote three chapters in the chemo book and read half a romance novel, so it wasn't a complete waste of time:P
As for the whole insurance thing of the last post......the Dr.s office has said that they just don't deal with the insurance anymore but will only charge me what my in-network co-pays would be...and that sounds nice and all but I am just not sure how that will work so I now have to call the insurance company and find out exactly what those would entail including any deductibles. In the meantime I did find another plastic surgeon who does take my insurance, is a women and was highly recommended by a friend of a friend and so I have an appt. with her on Friday. I think I am going to go and see how I like her and then make my decision. It just seems that it might be easier for me to not have to worry about there being any chance of us getting screwed on a bill rather than just going with someone who will process it all for me. Of course I will first have to see if I like her but I am hoping for the best.
Other than that we are chugging along here as the calendar slowly fills with all of the extra activities that come with a school year:)
Hope you all are well.
Blog ya later-
K
PS......if you haven't already, please take time to click on the two buttons to fill out the survey at the top right corner of the blog. It doesn't ask for your name or anything else but I am just very curious as to who reads this....thanks-K
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Insurance
I am ticked.....totally and utterly PO'd. I just got a recent statement from our insurance, BCBS(blue cross blue shield) and have found out that the plastic surgeon I went to is not in network!!!!!!!!
Now I have several thoughts about that and since this is my blog I get to voice them...
1-When I came in and the secretary took my insurance card and my co-pay....why did she not mention that they don't take my insurance??????
2-When I met with the Dr. and the nurse...why did they not say something to the effect that this surgery was going to cost us several thousand dollars out of pocket????????? Especially since the nurse mentioned how they had a patient who recently had the surgery and then found her insurance wouldn't pay and now was having all sorts of problems trying to get them to cover it!?!?!?!?
3-Isn't mentioning the fact that they don't take your insurance(especially when taking your co-pay) something a responsible Dr.s office would do for something that was going to cost lots of money?????? Especially since we have already paid quite a bit in co-pays and medication and other deductible costs already this summer!
4- And why the heck in this town where there are only a few major insurance carriers does she not take BCBS????????
That one office visit, where I sat around waiting for her, and then got measured and looked at some pictures is being billed to us for $300!!!!!!!!!! She didn't even do anything. Now I don't know about you, but I am incensed that is the charge for talking.
And yes I do realize that I should have double checked about her being covered, but when I called and told them my insurance and they said nothing I figured I was good to go b/c everyone takes BCBS......I guess I was wrong.
So now I have to find a new plastic surgeon......and I went online and checked who was for sure in network this time and of the 95 doctors in the St. Louis area....only 3....3, are women...which makes me a bit nervous. That and the fact that my onocological surgeon recommended her so now I have to go back and see if they work with any of the other surgeons on the health plan.....
This was soooooo not stress I needed.
I mean its not like I am going in for a boob job for criminy sake, its kind of the opposite, an anti-boob job........this should be universally covered no matter the doctor because it is a preventative step so they won't have to pay for chemo again and I won't have to go through it again.....
I hate this...really, really do. Most of all I hate worrying about this now....I like being in control and now it has spiraled out of my hands and on a holiday weekend no less so I can't do anything about it until Tuesday when I am in chemo all day.....HA.....it is funny how my summer started and is now ending with me having to wait out the two long holiday weekends before being able to deal with my medical issues.....
Other than that, we went to the pool yesterday and it was quite lovely. We have BBQd and will continue to as the weather is just wonderful and watched several fun movies with the girls. So it has been a mostly relaxing holiday weekend. And no worries, my bp is fine even though this made me mad....
Hope you all are having a wonderful Labor Day and enjoying the nice weather before Gustav wreaks havoc.
Blog ya later-
K
Now I have several thoughts about that and since this is my blog I get to voice them...
1-When I came in and the secretary took my insurance card and my co-pay....why did she not mention that they don't take my insurance??????
2-When I met with the Dr. and the nurse...why did they not say something to the effect that this surgery was going to cost us several thousand dollars out of pocket????????? Especially since the nurse mentioned how they had a patient who recently had the surgery and then found her insurance wouldn't pay and now was having all sorts of problems trying to get them to cover it!?!?!?!?
3-Isn't mentioning the fact that they don't take your insurance(especially when taking your co-pay) something a responsible Dr.s office would do for something that was going to cost lots of money?????? Especially since we have already paid quite a bit in co-pays and medication and other deductible costs already this summer!
4- And why the heck in this town where there are only a few major insurance carriers does she not take BCBS????????
That one office visit, where I sat around waiting for her, and then got measured and looked at some pictures is being billed to us for $300!!!!!!!!!! She didn't even do anything. Now I don't know about you, but I am incensed that is the charge for talking.
And yes I do realize that I should have double checked about her being covered, but when I called and told them my insurance and they said nothing I figured I was good to go b/c everyone takes BCBS......I guess I was wrong.
So now I have to find a new plastic surgeon......and I went online and checked who was for sure in network this time and of the 95 doctors in the St. Louis area....only 3....3, are women...which makes me a bit nervous. That and the fact that my onocological surgeon recommended her so now I have to go back and see if they work with any of the other surgeons on the health plan.....
This was soooooo not stress I needed.
I mean its not like I am going in for a boob job for criminy sake, its kind of the opposite, an anti-boob job........this should be universally covered no matter the doctor because it is a preventative step so they won't have to pay for chemo again and I won't have to go through it again.....
I hate this...really, really do. Most of all I hate worrying about this now....I like being in control and now it has spiraled out of my hands and on a holiday weekend no less so I can't do anything about it until Tuesday when I am in chemo all day.....HA.....it is funny how my summer started and is now ending with me having to wait out the two long holiday weekends before being able to deal with my medical issues.....
Other than that, we went to the pool yesterday and it was quite lovely. We have BBQd and will continue to as the weather is just wonderful and watched several fun movies with the girls. So it has been a mostly relaxing holiday weekend. And no worries, my bp is fine even though this made me mad....
Hope you all are having a wonderful Labor Day and enjoying the nice weather before Gustav wreaks havoc.
Blog ya later-
K
Monday, August 25, 2008
Latest Lesson
That when they say days 3-5, they really mean to not even start counting the "days" until you finish the chemo round, which most likely means actually parts of days 3-6.....
However, the pain was not as bad this time around. Partly because I had drugs to deal with it and partly because I knew what to expect! I have always found that the unexpected, especially in relation to pain, always makes it worse. Once you know what will happen and can formulate a plan on dealing with it(drugs, breathing, sleeping, etc.) then it is much more manageable:)
So this was not the worst weekend on that scale. We had a pretty normal, lazy Sat. and Sun., nothing too big, just hanging out with the family and trying to recover from the first full week of school. The girls cleaned up all the various messes they had created over the week and then put on a wonderful weekly update newscast for us. It was quite entertaining and wonderful fodder for when they are teens and we want to embarrass them:P..kidding.....mostly:D
Hope you all are enjoying the last days of August.
Blog ya later-
K
However, the pain was not as bad this time around. Partly because I had drugs to deal with it and partly because I knew what to expect! I have always found that the unexpected, especially in relation to pain, always makes it worse. Once you know what will happen and can formulate a plan on dealing with it(drugs, breathing, sleeping, etc.) then it is much more manageable:)
So this was not the worst weekend on that scale. We had a pretty normal, lazy Sat. and Sun., nothing too big, just hanging out with the family and trying to recover from the first full week of school. The girls cleaned up all the various messes they had created over the week and then put on a wonderful weekly update newscast for us. It was quite entertaining and wonderful fodder for when they are teens and we want to embarrass them:P..kidding.....mostly:D
Hope you all are enjoying the last days of August.
Blog ya later-
K
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Round 6
Is over and done with..yipee!
It went well. I didn't pass out from the benedryll(not a surprise to me of course) but it did make me out of it enough to slur my words a bit and force my eyes to close, although my brain wouldn't shut off from the steroids so I just sat and listened for a while, but that was about all. The only other side effect(besides the three days of pain from beyond that are headed my way) seems to be that I get flushed a lot more. Like today..definitely didn't need blush unless I was planning on being a circus clown...which I'm not......at the moment anyway:P And it also happened after we went to the pool on Sunday, which was a tad strange since it was after 4 by the time we got there and I had on sunscreen but I think it was just the heat as I didn't actually get any kind of sunburn at all....go figure! But that is about it and I am sooooo very happy for that because I was tired of being tired and nauseous.
So as my mind raced from the steroids last night, I thought about how very screwy this whole thing is. In May before I knew about the big "C", I was the picture of health. If you had seen me, or did, you would totally agree. I looked fine, I had wonderful hair(I know, I know, it will grow back....sigh) I was tan from spring break and for all intents and purposes I was healthy as a race horse. Now....the medicine that they are giving me to cure this disease I have makes me feel, and sometimes look, like I have been hit by a freight train! That just seems a tad twisted to me, at the very least incredibly ironic, no? But if it is what will get this out of me and keep me healthy for many, many, MANY years to come, so be it and let's get it done!
Which reminds me...my time table for finishing treatments has changed slightly...I forgot to factor in Labor day! So since the next round will have to be on the Tuesday after that, the last round won't be until two weeks from that which will put the very last treatment on Tuesday, Sept.16th....one day later than I had expected but what can you do about national holidays interfering! LOL
So anyway, all is well in K's world. The girls are doing well back in school, and soon will be starting up their various extra-curricular activities. Ed is back full time and his school will get into full swing next week and everything is well there too. And I am doing fine, chugging along on my various web interests and slowly but surely writing my book.
Hope you all are fine.
Blog ya later-
K
PS...who else is sleep deprived from staying up late to watch the Olympics? And who else totally thinks it was worth it to watch Michael, Nastia and Shawn? It has been a truly amazing games so far I think:)
It went well. I didn't pass out from the benedryll(not a surprise to me of course) but it did make me out of it enough to slur my words a bit and force my eyes to close, although my brain wouldn't shut off from the steroids so I just sat and listened for a while, but that was about all. The only other side effect(besides the three days of pain from beyond that are headed my way) seems to be that I get flushed a lot more. Like today..definitely didn't need blush unless I was planning on being a circus clown...which I'm not......at the moment anyway:P And it also happened after we went to the pool on Sunday, which was a tad strange since it was after 4 by the time we got there and I had on sunscreen but I think it was just the heat as I didn't actually get any kind of sunburn at all....go figure! But that is about it and I am sooooo very happy for that because I was tired of being tired and nauseous.
So as my mind raced from the steroids last night, I thought about how very screwy this whole thing is. In May before I knew about the big "C", I was the picture of health. If you had seen me, or did, you would totally agree. I looked fine, I had wonderful hair(I know, I know, it will grow back....sigh) I was tan from spring break and for all intents and purposes I was healthy as a race horse. Now....the medicine that they are giving me to cure this disease I have makes me feel, and sometimes look, like I have been hit by a freight train! That just seems a tad twisted to me, at the very least incredibly ironic, no? But if it is what will get this out of me and keep me healthy for many, many, MANY years to come, so be it and let's get it done!
Which reminds me...my time table for finishing treatments has changed slightly...I forgot to factor in Labor day! So since the next round will have to be on the Tuesday after that, the last round won't be until two weeks from that which will put the very last treatment on Tuesday, Sept.16th....one day later than I had expected but what can you do about national holidays interfering! LOL
So anyway, all is well in K's world. The girls are doing well back in school, and soon will be starting up their various extra-curricular activities. Ed is back full time and his school will get into full swing next week and everything is well there too. And I am doing fine, chugging along on my various web interests and slowly but surely writing my book.
Hope you all are fine.
Blog ya later-
K
PS...who else is sleep deprived from staying up late to watch the Olympics? And who else totally thinks it was worth it to watch Michael, Nastia and Shawn? It has been a truly amazing games so far I think:)
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Back to School
Well....today was the day. They headed back for their first day of school in 2nd and 4th grade...where did the time go? And I don't just mean this summer, but time in general, it seems to fly by faster every year. Although the minis were quite ready to head back I have to admit I am a tad melancholy today. I missed having this summer with them, more than I have wanted to admit. It had usually been the time when we girls bonded at the pool and at home doing crafts and projects and being girls....and I know they have actually had a great summer with the camps and spending time at the lake with Nana and Papa.....I just wish that I ...well you all know what I wish, that "C" was not in the picture.
Now don't get me wrong...I know it is just a small segment in time in my life and soon....very soon, this will be but a memory of what I have survived and it will have made me stronger.....but right now...I'm melancholy....and hot, have I mentioned that I am having hot flashes? BTW...they are not fun per se b/c it's sooooo nice out and I am sweating like a dog....and nothing fixes them, there is no pill I can take for these! Sooo anyway, the pain subsided starting on day 6, which is good but the hot flashes have increased.....
I hope your kids have had wonderful first days back or will have if it applies....otherwise...enjoy the end of summer while the pools are still open:)
Blog ya later-
K
Now don't get me wrong...I know it is just a small segment in time in my life and soon....very soon, this will be but a memory of what I have survived and it will have made me stronger.....but right now...I'm melancholy....and hot, have I mentioned that I am having hot flashes? BTW...they are not fun per se b/c it's sooooo nice out and I am sweating like a dog....and nothing fixes them, there is no pill I can take for these! Sooo anyway, the pain subsided starting on day 6, which is good but the hot flashes have increased.....
I hope your kids have had wonderful first days back or will have if it applies....otherwise...enjoy the end of summer while the pools are still open:)
Blog ya later-
K
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Owwwwie
Ok...this week has been nice as we have gotten to visit with the Italian relatives and the girls have really enjoyed playing with their cousins, but........
ouch.
The nurses warned me that the new chemo drug would hurt my bones.....and yes sirree bob, it certainly does. It kind of crept up on me. I felt great on Tuesday, which was a nice change of pace for sure. Wed. wasn't too bad either, we toured the AB brewery and I did quite well. Thursday I started to feel a bit achy and so we hung out at our house as they explored the malls and then met up for dinner. Yesterday.....it totally sucked. I mean it was great fun, we took the kids to Riverchase and they swam around all afternoon while I sat, which in itself was fine, but.....the achyness really started to escalate at that point.
Now, I deal with joint pain whenever the weather changes due to my past injuries, but this was/is 1000 times worse. My whole body aches, every single bone, to the point where I can barely stand, let alone walk, I feel like I'm 90.....and I'm not sure that today is better per se or if I just haven't moved enough for it to really be hurting! (I'm hoping its not the latter cause I would like to move at some point!) They did say it was usually in days 3-5 that this happened and since it is day 5, I really think tomorrow will be better, but I am a little worried. This is just round one of this......if I am in this bad shape with round one....is it going to get worse? Will it be a cumulative effect to the point where I just lay in agony for days 3-5 of the next three rounds? How is that going to work with life starting back up again? How is that going to work with my keeping my sanity and some perspective on this whole thing? Will I turn into a raving lunatic due to the unbearable pain that I feel and the fact no medicines will ease that pain? Or will my eyes just glaze over and I'll slip into a different state where reality ceases to exist because my brain can't handle the firing of pain receptor neurons anymore? Ok....I exaggerate a bit.....but not much, it really hurts and I am close to curling up in a little ball and crying mommy.......
Anyway, I know I only have three left, but I am tired of it.....and yes I know I can make it, but $%#&#%$&$*#^#*#&@^@^@^ I don't want to anymore....this is not fun anymore and I wanna quit! Ok, enough whining.....for now anyway:P
Next week will be bad enough as I again lament the fact that this summer has slipped through my grasp and flown by without me participating at all.......but....at least the girls will get some structure again!!YAY!! And we are quite happy with the teachers they got this year, the list was posted last night. And with only one minor snafu, B's bff is not in her class, but as I said, she can still hang out all the time and she will see her everyday and at CCL and at Brownies......hopefully it will not be as bad as she fears(of course I know it won't, but its hard to convince a 7 yr old that it's not the end of the world ya know:) )
Soooo...to all who it applies to, enjoy your last weekend of summer and I will....
Blog ya later-
K
ouch.
The nurses warned me that the new chemo drug would hurt my bones.....and yes sirree bob, it certainly does. It kind of crept up on me. I felt great on Tuesday, which was a nice change of pace for sure. Wed. wasn't too bad either, we toured the AB brewery and I did quite well. Thursday I started to feel a bit achy and so we hung out at our house as they explored the malls and then met up for dinner. Yesterday.....it totally sucked. I mean it was great fun, we took the kids to Riverchase and they swam around all afternoon while I sat, which in itself was fine, but.....the achyness really started to escalate at that point.
Now, I deal with joint pain whenever the weather changes due to my past injuries, but this was/is 1000 times worse. My whole body aches, every single bone, to the point where I can barely stand, let alone walk, I feel like I'm 90.....and I'm not sure that today is better per se or if I just haven't moved enough for it to really be hurting! (I'm hoping its not the latter cause I would like to move at some point!) They did say it was usually in days 3-5 that this happened and since it is day 5, I really think tomorrow will be better, but I am a little worried. This is just round one of this......if I am in this bad shape with round one....is it going to get worse? Will it be a cumulative effect to the point where I just lay in agony for days 3-5 of the next three rounds? How is that going to work with life starting back up again? How is that going to work with my keeping my sanity and some perspective on this whole thing? Will I turn into a raving lunatic due to the unbearable pain that I feel and the fact no medicines will ease that pain? Or will my eyes just glaze over and I'll slip into a different state where reality ceases to exist because my brain can't handle the firing of pain receptor neurons anymore? Ok....I exaggerate a bit.....but not much, it really hurts and I am close to curling up in a little ball and crying mommy.......
Anyway, I know I only have three left, but I am tired of it.....and yes I know I can make it, but $%#&#%$&$*#^#*#&@^@^@^ I don't want to anymore....this is not fun anymore and I wanna quit! Ok, enough whining.....for now anyway:P
Next week will be bad enough as I again lament the fact that this summer has slipped through my grasp and flown by without me participating at all.......but....at least the girls will get some structure again!!YAY!! And we are quite happy with the teachers they got this year, the list was posted last night. And with only one minor snafu, B's bff is not in her class, but as I said, she can still hang out all the time and she will see her everyday and at CCL and at Brownies......hopefully it will not be as bad as she fears(of course I know it won't, but its hard to convince a 7 yr old that it's not the end of the world ya know:) )
Soooo...to all who it applies to, enjoy your last weekend of summer and I will....
Blog ya later-
K
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Only 3 left
YAY!
Well I am in the home stretch now and have started my last four rounds of a new drug-Paclitaxel. And I must say, so far so good. Not nearly the same side effects as far as the follow up nausea and tiredness...of course that I specifically attribute to the fact that I was pumped full of steroids yesterday, so much so that the mega doses of benedryll that they gave me as well didn't knock me out. Which surprised the nurses some.....not me, I believe I have mentioned that I don't do steroids well and that is definitely still the case since I was also only able to sleep in short spurts last night and not do my usual pass out for 12-13 hours!
Anyway, as I said, feeling pretty good really, just waiting for the cool front to come through and make stepping outside an activity that won't bowl you over! That and waiting on Ed's sister's family to get into town. His parents arrived yesterday for the week but his sister's family got delayed in Detroit where their plane was grounded due to mechanical failure!!!! They spent the night there and then had to get up and fly to Atlanta early and then connect to fly here. At this point in time we hope they are on the ground here and headed to the car rental place and then the hotel to relax. And then meet up with us as our girls are literally bursting at the seams with excitement to see their cousins for the first time in four years!
So I may not get a chance to post again until later this week but thank you all for your prayers and good thoughts sent my way, they continue to help and mean so much.
Blog ya later-
K
Well I am in the home stretch now and have started my last four rounds of a new drug-Paclitaxel. And I must say, so far so good. Not nearly the same side effects as far as the follow up nausea and tiredness...of course that I specifically attribute to the fact that I was pumped full of steroids yesterday, so much so that the mega doses of benedryll that they gave me as well didn't knock me out. Which surprised the nurses some.....not me, I believe I have mentioned that I don't do steroids well and that is definitely still the case since I was also only able to sleep in short spurts last night and not do my usual pass out for 12-13 hours!
Anyway, as I said, feeling pretty good really, just waiting for the cool front to come through and make stepping outside an activity that won't bowl you over! That and waiting on Ed's sister's family to get into town. His parents arrived yesterday for the week but his sister's family got delayed in Detroit where their plane was grounded due to mechanical failure!!!! They spent the night there and then had to get up and fly to Atlanta early and then connect to fly here. At this point in time we hope they are on the ground here and headed to the car rental place and then the hotel to relax. And then meet up with us as our girls are literally bursting at the seams with excitement to see their cousins for the first time in four years!
So I may not get a chance to post again until later this week but thank you all for your prayers and good thoughts sent my way, they continue to help and mean so much.
Blog ya later-
K
Sunday, August 3, 2008
August
Can you believe it is August already?!?!?!?!
I can't...seems like I haven't done anything all summer. Ok...I have had lots done to me, but I haven't actually done much at all besides go to and from appointments. So I can't really accept that the girls have only one and a half weeks until they head back to school! Fortunately it will be a fun last hurrah for them as their Italian cousins and Ed's parents will be in town that whole time and it will keep them occupied and hopefully bypass that last week of summer whinyness that seems to happen when they are antsy to start back and see friends but still want to extend summer as long as they can:)
As for moi...I will start the new chemo drug on Monday and we'll see how that goes and just what I am up to doing with everyone this week, but at least it will mean I have less treatments to go than I will have done...a very nice feeling that will be:)
So, I hope you all are enjoying the start of August and not dying from the stifling heat we are getting now. And I hope you enjoy the last few weeks of break with your kids......they will be back in school soon enough and even though it's hard to envision at moments, you will miss them when they are gone:P
Blog ya later-
K
I can't...seems like I haven't done anything all summer. Ok...I have had lots done to me, but I haven't actually done much at all besides go to and from appointments. So I can't really accept that the girls have only one and a half weeks until they head back to school! Fortunately it will be a fun last hurrah for them as their Italian cousins and Ed's parents will be in town that whole time and it will keep them occupied and hopefully bypass that last week of summer whinyness that seems to happen when they are antsy to start back and see friends but still want to extend summer as long as they can:)
As for moi...I will start the new chemo drug on Monday and we'll see how that goes and just what I am up to doing with everyone this week, but at least it will mean I have less treatments to go than I will have done...a very nice feeling that will be:)
So, I hope you all are enjoying the start of August and not dying from the stifling heat we are getting now. And I hope you enjoy the last few weeks of break with your kids......they will be back in school soon enough and even though it's hard to envision at moments, you will miss them when they are gone:P
Blog ya later-
K
Monday, July 28, 2008
Angels...
aren't scary, 'cause they come in all shapes and sizes....that is actually a favourite line of mine from a romance novel if you can believe it! And my angels these days are certainly far from scary, they are, in fact, the most fantastic creatures around. They have brought us food this past week, which has been a wonderful blessing, and today a very special one is even taking both girls out to lunch and then to the Science Center.(Thanks Mary)
I am not one who likes to rely on anyone but myself and this has been a challenging time for me in that regard. Granted I have no problem letting my parents take the girls for the weeks of chemo(thanks to my two biggest angels) but the small things are harder for me to let go of. It took an argument for me to see the rationality of letting others cook for me, and thankfully Ed was up to the task of opening my eyes. And then there's the house...
For years, almost 9 to be precise, it has been my domain. I have had complete creative control(paint colors, furniture placement, etc.) and while Ed has certainly helped with all the big things....it has been my....kingdom. Now, granted, I have no delusions about me being a housekeeper, in fact I hate it. I will clean...when necessary, but mostly I just keep up with the girls and dishes and laundry. That has all changed this summer. I haven't kept up with anything, but luckily he has. And not only that, he has come in and cleaned and organized where I dared not go! So this is a gigantic thank you to my most wonderful angel who has dared to brave my piles and layers and get to the bottom of them...you are amazing, thank you.
And, I am doing ok, feeling better this round than last...except a few mouth sores but they did say that would happen, and a bit of nausea that comes and goes. Other than that I am feelin' fine.
Blog ya later-
K
I am not one who likes to rely on anyone but myself and this has been a challenging time for me in that regard. Granted I have no problem letting my parents take the girls for the weeks of chemo(thanks to my two biggest angels) but the small things are harder for me to let go of. It took an argument for me to see the rationality of letting others cook for me, and thankfully Ed was up to the task of opening my eyes. And then there's the house...
For years, almost 9 to be precise, it has been my domain. I have had complete creative control(paint colors, furniture placement, etc.) and while Ed has certainly helped with all the big things....it has been my....kingdom. Now, granted, I have no delusions about me being a housekeeper, in fact I hate it. I will clean...when necessary, but mostly I just keep up with the girls and dishes and laundry. That has all changed this summer. I haven't kept up with anything, but luckily he has. And not only that, he has come in and cleaned and organized where I dared not go! So this is a gigantic thank you to my most wonderful angel who has dared to brave my piles and layers and get to the bottom of them...you are amazing, thank you.
And, I am doing ok, feeling better this round than last...except a few mouth sores but they did say that would happen, and a bit of nausea that comes and goes. Other than that I am feelin' fine.
Blog ya later-
K
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Yelling HELP
doesn't always bring it...especially in the case of children!!!!!
I just had to pass this along as it shocked me a bit...until I thought about it! Kids often yell help when they are playing games with other children and admit it, parents...we kind of ignore it b/c we assume it is part of a game. When we hear a bloodcurdling scream, well that evokes a different level of panic, but not necessarily does us hearing "help". I know that I do this when my girls are out in the yard as they often seem to play "adventure" games where someone has to be rescued and therefore inevitably yells "help" at least oh...a hundred times.
This was brought to my attention b/c we teach our children to yell help if there is a "stranger danger" instance.....but that wouldn't actually work if we are naturally tuning out "help" now would it? Certain safety professionals have suggested as of late to have your kids yell "fire" or "gun" or something that would actually gain attention of adults instead of the old standby "help". I thought I would pass it along because it made a lot of sense to me...and to alert you that if my girls ever yell fire or gun and they are with someone you don't know...they really do need your help!
As far as the cancer front....I am doing pretty well. It has been quiet around here and I have gotten lots of sleep, so except for the pesky nausea, which seems to be a bit stronger this round-but still effectively controlled with meds-all is well in K's world today:)
That and I have had some wonderful meals this week, delivered by angels from church, thank you so much it has been very nice. And not to worry Girl Scout sisters....I still plan on tapping you all for food during mastectomy recovery:P
I have also been devouring books again....which sometimes makes my brain spin way out of control but fortunately I have a wonderful man who keeps me grounded.
So....once again...enjoy this unbelievably nice cool weather before the dog days of August and I'm thinking Sept. too come back to haunt us around here....
Blog ya later-
K
I just had to pass this along as it shocked me a bit...until I thought about it! Kids often yell help when they are playing games with other children and admit it, parents...we kind of ignore it b/c we assume it is part of a game. When we hear a bloodcurdling scream, well that evokes a different level of panic, but not necessarily does us hearing "help". I know that I do this when my girls are out in the yard as they often seem to play "adventure" games where someone has to be rescued and therefore inevitably yells "help" at least oh...a hundred times.
This was brought to my attention b/c we teach our children to yell help if there is a "stranger danger" instance.....but that wouldn't actually work if we are naturally tuning out "help" now would it? Certain safety professionals have suggested as of late to have your kids yell "fire" or "gun" or something that would actually gain attention of adults instead of the old standby "help". I thought I would pass it along because it made a lot of sense to me...and to alert you that if my girls ever yell fire or gun and they are with someone you don't know...they really do need your help!
As far as the cancer front....I am doing pretty well. It has been quiet around here and I have gotten lots of sleep, so except for the pesky nausea, which seems to be a bit stronger this round-but still effectively controlled with meds-all is well in K's world today:)
That and I have had some wonderful meals this week, delivered by angels from church, thank you so much it has been very nice. And not to worry Girl Scout sisters....I still plan on tapping you all for food during mastectomy recovery:P
I have also been devouring books again....which sometimes makes my brain spin way out of control but fortunately I have a wonderful man who keeps me grounded.
So....once again...enjoy this unbelievably nice cool weather before the dog days of August and I'm thinking Sept. too come back to haunt us around here....
Blog ya later-
K
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
We're halfway there
Whoooaaa ohhhh
Living on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it I swear
Living on a prayer
We've got to hold on ready or not
You live for the fight when it's all that you've got
Whoooah ohhhhh
We're halfway there
Living on a prayer
It's not often that I can quote Bon Jovi and have it be at all applicable to my life but I do think this chorus hits it right on the mark:) Now the rest of the song.....not so much:)
Anyway, that sums it up today..I am halfway there!!!!!! 4 down, 4 to go, but baby...we've come a long way-lol..Ok, I will stop, well, I will try to stop quoting things but I can't promise that random lines won't keep popping up-how my mind works these days!
I had my last round of AC yesterday and then slept from 8pm to 11 this am and am feeling fine:) Granted, I have only moved from the bedroom to the kitchen and sat and checked email, but still...doing well so far:) We will head into get my "blood pumper-upper" shot in a bit and then to return and pick up stuff from the library. I have reserved almost every yoga dvd they have and can't wait to start. I have decided that yoga is something I can still do these days without over-extending myself while still helping to keep my body in shape. Not that it is doing bad, I have maintained my weight, only varying by a pound up or down any given week and that is pretty good, but I am feeling it. The lack of exercise is wearing on me a bit so I figure this will help:)
As for the future, the next 4 rounds will be a different drug, but only one this time so that should help. However with this drug, taxotere, you can experience numbness in your hands and feet and that does not bode very well for me and my clumsiness.....no "glass" glasses for me for a while:P Other than that, my hair is actually(or was before this round we'll see now) growing back!!!!!!! And....the very best part, it is really really light blonde!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY YAY YAY...maybe I can finally say goodbye to Sun-in:D Of course, as Ed said, this could be like the first round of baby hair that grows in and then falls out and then their true hair comes in...but I'm still hoping for the light blonde myself:)
Ok, I am off to eat a bland white colored food before the shot, that hasn't changed:) Hope you all had a nice weekend and are enjoying these unprecedented cool temperatures today:) Only 70 at one pm....its just crazy nice:)
Blog ya later-
K
Living on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it I swear
Living on a prayer
We've got to hold on ready or not
You live for the fight when it's all that you've got
Whoooah ohhhhh
We're halfway there
Living on a prayer
It's not often that I can quote Bon Jovi and have it be at all applicable to my life but I do think this chorus hits it right on the mark:) Now the rest of the song.....not so much:)
Anyway, that sums it up today..I am halfway there!!!!!! 4 down, 4 to go, but baby...we've come a long way-lol..Ok, I will stop, well, I will try to stop quoting things but I can't promise that random lines won't keep popping up-how my mind works these days!
I had my last round of AC yesterday and then slept from 8pm to 11 this am and am feeling fine:) Granted, I have only moved from the bedroom to the kitchen and sat and checked email, but still...doing well so far:) We will head into get my "blood pumper-upper" shot in a bit and then to return and pick up stuff from the library. I have reserved almost every yoga dvd they have and can't wait to start. I have decided that yoga is something I can still do these days without over-extending myself while still helping to keep my body in shape. Not that it is doing bad, I have maintained my weight, only varying by a pound up or down any given week and that is pretty good, but I am feeling it. The lack of exercise is wearing on me a bit so I figure this will help:)
As for the future, the next 4 rounds will be a different drug, but only one this time so that should help. However with this drug, taxotere, you can experience numbness in your hands and feet and that does not bode very well for me and my clumsiness.....no "glass" glasses for me for a while:P Other than that, my hair is actually(or was before this round we'll see now) growing back!!!!!!! And....the very best part, it is really really light blonde!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY YAY YAY...maybe I can finally say goodbye to Sun-in:D Of course, as Ed said, this could be like the first round of baby hair that grows in and then falls out and then their true hair comes in...but I'm still hoping for the light blonde myself:)
Ok, I am off to eat a bland white colored food before the shot, that hasn't changed:) Hope you all had a nice weekend and are enjoying these unprecedented cool temperatures today:) Only 70 at one pm....its just crazy nice:)
Blog ya later-
K
Friday, July 18, 2008
Silly kids....
hair grows back!
I have had the good fortune to be able to spend some time with my nieces(3&5) and nephew(1 next week) the past few days and let me tell you...they are a riot! Now granted, my girls were quite entertaining when they were those ages as well, but they are past that point and it is only a dimly lit closet in the house that is my memories.
Now, around my house, I don't wear anything on my head(its too hot) and my girls are quite used to my near baldness. B even calls me "My bald momma". I have answered the door this way(usually cause I forget) and therefore exposed a few of her friends and my brownies to it as well, but when I am in public I wear a scarf or hat. I did that when I went over to my parents the other night because I didn't want to shock the kids but it was hot ,so at some point I took the scarf off and that's when the fun began. The 5 yr old just kind of stared at me. I asked if she wanted to touch it and explained that it was just fuzz that was soft, just like her baby brother's head! She shook her head no, but the 3yr. old came over and rubbed my head and giggled(it does kind of tickle your hand:) ) and then said that I looked like a boy! I laughed and stood next to my brother and asked her if I looked more like him now and she smiled and nodded her head yes. My brother laughed and said that I should feel lucky as right now she wants to be a boy when she grows up! I felt so honored:) My nephew was hilarious too. He kept staring at my head and smiling at me...I think he liked the fact that he wasn't the only baldy in the house!
Last night I took the girls over to play with cousins again and this time I took the scarf off as soon as I got inside. The girls didn't seem bothered by it at all. But the three year old was staring at me very hard and then finally said, "Aunt K.....your hair will grow back won't it? I smiled and said, " Yes it will, the next time you see me it will probably be a little longer than your daddy's, and next summer it will probably be as long as yours!" She laughed and said, "What color will it be?" I replied, "I don't know, it may be brown like L & B's or it may be blonde like yours, what do you think?" She looked at me with the most puzzled look on her face and answered, " Well K, it looks like both right now, but my hair is white, will it be like that?" I laughed and said "Yes it may just be white like yours!"
Now granted, there are strands of her hair that have bleached that very white blonde color that I do love, but she is a blonde, with darker blonde underneath. It is so interesting how kids perceive themselves and others.
Anyway, while the girls played, I spent some quality time watching and laughing and smiling with my nephew as he explored and entertained us and it was very nice....almost made me have those baby pangs....but not quite:)
Now I am off to watch the girls dance their little hearts out! And maybe to the pool this afternoon. Have a great weekend all and I will let you know how the last AC round goes next week...not sure when, it will depend on how hard it hits me:)
Blog ya later-
K
I have had the good fortune to be able to spend some time with my nieces(3&5) and nephew(1 next week) the past few days and let me tell you...they are a riot! Now granted, my girls were quite entertaining when they were those ages as well, but they are past that point and it is only a dimly lit closet in the house that is my memories.
Now, around my house, I don't wear anything on my head(its too hot) and my girls are quite used to my near baldness. B even calls me "My bald momma". I have answered the door this way(usually cause I forget) and therefore exposed a few of her friends and my brownies to it as well, but when I am in public I wear a scarf or hat. I did that when I went over to my parents the other night because I didn't want to shock the kids but it was hot ,so at some point I took the scarf off and that's when the fun began. The 5 yr old just kind of stared at me. I asked if she wanted to touch it and explained that it was just fuzz that was soft, just like her baby brother's head! She shook her head no, but the 3yr. old came over and rubbed my head and giggled(it does kind of tickle your hand:) ) and then said that I looked like a boy! I laughed and stood next to my brother and asked her if I looked more like him now and she smiled and nodded her head yes. My brother laughed and said that I should feel lucky as right now she wants to be a boy when she grows up! I felt so honored:) My nephew was hilarious too. He kept staring at my head and smiling at me...I think he liked the fact that he wasn't the only baldy in the house!
Last night I took the girls over to play with cousins again and this time I took the scarf off as soon as I got inside. The girls didn't seem bothered by it at all. But the three year old was staring at me very hard and then finally said, "Aunt K.....your hair will grow back won't it? I smiled and said, " Yes it will, the next time you see me it will probably be a little longer than your daddy's, and next summer it will probably be as long as yours!" She laughed and said, "What color will it be?" I replied, "I don't know, it may be brown like L & B's or it may be blonde like yours, what do you think?" She looked at me with the most puzzled look on her face and answered, " Well K, it looks like both right now, but my hair is white, will it be like that?" I laughed and said "Yes it may just be white like yours!"
Now granted, there are strands of her hair that have bleached that very white blonde color that I do love, but she is a blonde, with darker blonde underneath. It is so interesting how kids perceive themselves and others.
Anyway, while the girls played, I spent some quality time watching and laughing and smiling with my nephew as he explored and entertained us and it was very nice....almost made me have those baby pangs....but not quite:)
Now I am off to watch the girls dance their little hearts out! And maybe to the pool this afternoon. Have a great weekend all and I will let you know how the last AC round goes next week...not sure when, it will depend on how hard it hits me:)
Blog ya later-
K
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