Ka-blooie

well that's how I feel....like I could explode at any moment...not good.


In fact I'm just really, really pissed at the world at the moment and I am having a hard time getting it under control and that is actually why I haven't blogged in a while..I'm not sure I can be nice, not that I have to since it is my blog, but I do not generally write about specifics and defame certain groups of people and so I am at a loss, truly, and yet...yes, this is a TOTAL me getting it out post so feel free to not read anymore because I totally get that and yet I have to get these feelings and issues out too because they are festering in me and making me crazy.

And yes...I am mad at cancer too. I suppose I am the most mad at that truly but that's the biggest rip-off of all...I can't actually do anything to cancer....altho I am considering burning it in effigy if for no other reason than I feel the need for smores and it would be fun, cause then I could punch it in the face as well! I am having a hard time with the foob thing. I am tired of having two blank spots on my body. By that I literally mean spots of nothingness. You know how you can "feel" your entire body in the sense that it is "feeling" constantly by just being and having those receptors called skin and nerve endings on it...now imagine having parts where that doesn't happen. Which I am sure would be infinitely worse were it an actual limb that I no longer had and couldn't feel but this is just like a empty spot on my body, devoid of being. There is no heaviness or lightness...there is just nothing, except there's not nothing, there are these foobs that are there and stick out and are there, but I can't feel them. I mean I can touch them and my fingertips feel them but the foobs don't feel anything and I don't like it one bit. Add to that the fact that summer is approaching at a faster than light speed and I still have not found a top to wear to the pool and that is beyond depressing since I now supposedly have these "perfect" foobs that don't fit into any man-made item of clothing for them......ok enough on that.

Next on my anger list is a group of women in Girl Scouts. There are rules for everything in Scouts..literally-EVERYTHING and yet, these women did not follow them and had I not been vigilant could have killed Belle due to adding in food that she was allergic to at an event in Feb.! I won't get into petty details but not checking with the "head cook" or the registrar to see if there are any campers with food allergies before you go over their heads to buy extra food, which was not even needed (I know, I had to count the leftovers) is not only wrong, but negligent and could have been very bad, VERY bad. And yet, it never occurred to them that it was a problem and that they should have said something afterwards, no apologies, nothing...interestingly they still refuse to meet my eyes and that to me speaks volumes. And yes, some will say I was overreacting but they have never seen what I have seen when she has eaten the wrong thing and been in the ambulance and watched as my daughter's throat closed up and her body swelled and she literally faced death, she has come far closer to it than I ever did with cancer and all because of trace amounts of allergens in foods she ate. So too bad if I am overprotective while I can be, it's not just for her sake...would you really want to be the one who gave her food that killed her???? Could you live with yourself???? I couldn't...but maybe that's just me.

Last but not least....the school district. There is an inequality in the district regarding the gifted program and which days certain schools get to attend. And again, to some this may seem as if I am overreacting but imagine that your child does not get home EVERY single Friday until after 5pm. That if there are 1/2 days on Friday they miss out on completing projects or are "accelerated" through them which essentially means they don't get the same time to spend creating, exploring and above all LEARNING as the other kids do...does that seem fair? Yes, the gifted program is an "extra" and yet, NO it is NOT. Would you not give equal treatment to someone who needed extra help??? Do you not want children to be engaged and to help them along so that they can be productive members of society? And for all we know, they COULD be the ones who find that cure for cancer in the future and so shouldn't we be equipping and encouraging them as best we can??? But most importantly as someone who works off a calendar that is color coded and has some weeks completely insane with all of the activities that are at the same time in different places, don't tell me that you just can't coordinate that or take the time to find a way to make it fair to all the kids because that is a bunch of hogwash and should never be what is said to any parent. Let me at the schedule, I would find a way...and I suppose that is the key, being willing to work and find a way to make it happen. Now, having said that, I do not mind rotating and having EVERY school "pay their dues" with Friday attendance at the gifted program, this is only fair and THAT I could accept, it is the fact that they said we would rotate after two years and next fall will be year four on Fridays!!!! Now...I am not be the smartest kid on the block but I can do simple math and four does not equal two in any equation out there.....

All I want is for people to do the right thing. And I'm no saint, I screw up plenty, PLENTY. But I try and admit when I am wrong and I even try and compromise when it is the best thing to do for everyone involved. And I hope that those who are out there who read this would help to hold me to that standard and call me out when I do wrong because that is how we learn and change and better ourselves.

Ok enough ranting...well except for the teenage drivers that are invading the neighborhood....but that's a battle I just can't figure out how to even prepare for let alone fight at the moment so I will leave it go at that.

Thanks for reading...if you did...and letting me vent:)

Blog ya later-
K

Long Week

So it has been a very long week here. Mostly filled with triumphs of one sort or another, Lexi successfully turned 11 and I made it through that(yes, I do feel old now, must be something about the double digits that are the same thing as it didn't really hit me last year..huh...curious! ). We conquered the leak and sealed things off and now I get to redecorate the kitchen, although I was already headed that way, but something about the fact that half of our tile is peeled up is sort of pushing me to actually do it instead of talk about doing it, of course I do still have to go and decide on things, but hey, it's been a busy week here! I had a sick kiddo Monday then a Brownie meeting Tuesday and Wednesday was helping and Lexi's bday treats at school plus the 'tax dump'(which is how we affectionately refer to me returning calls left on the AARP machine about taxes) then a whirlwind Thursday which started with a meeting with a person who had been very hard to reach for weeks now regarding equal scheduling for our kids at a specific school and then the car dealership for them to fix something they were supposed to have done two months ago. And after that a half day of school so the kiddos were home early on Thursday and then they were off today so a full day of fun ...ok, mostly just shoe shopping which one might consider fun unless one was shopping for one's daughter who is now in a size 7 women's and for some bizarre reason the shoe people don't seem to want to make any dress shoes that don't have heels this year!!!!! Oh, and the fact that she seems to be sprinting across the finish line in a race to outgrow everything I buy for her before she really even wears it...sigh....


Needless to say it has been a lot. And then....today I got a ginormous bill for the brace I have been wearing on my foot to help with my torn ligament which has been cutting into parts and leaving permanent bruises even with all the extra padding I stuff in(which I am sure is not truly helping my foot to do that) and was told that interestingly enough the amount charged could not be changed because they had run it through insurance(who didn't cover it) even though it is listed for sale on their website for a whopping 1/3 the price!!!!! So basically they are trying to grift the insurance companies and then the customers if the companies won't pay?!?!? That just seems so very wrong on so many different levels that I am having a hard time wrapping my head around it! So now I have to deal with them next week and the fact that I am not going to pay more than what they are advertising it for online regardless of what they say because that is just outlandish especially in this economy and state of turmoil about healthcare....it's not hard to figure out why people are so upset when it seems as if the whole system is completely out of whack. Now, this doesn't mean I am against healthcare reform, I'm for it. But then again, I don't want to die. And it used to be, and still is for a while yet, the policies of the insurers out there that I can't be insured if our coverage was dropped because of my pre-existing condition. So basically they have decided that due to my genes I am not worthy, even though they can charge more to cover me....that almost sounds like a selected genocide especially when you quote this section of the UN definition of genocide, "deliberately inflicting on the group conditions of life, calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part;"

So it seems that every time I win a "battle" a new front emerges so that I have to quickly regroup, gather my reinforcements and plunge again into another fight. Am I just a magnet for this??? Am I doing something wrong???? It doesn't feel like it because everything I have done is about correcting things that out of balance or unequal and generally not even for myself but I battle for others.....and this doesn't even include the list of battles that I have decided were not worth the fight and have removed myself from to let someone else take up the banner or occasionally to just give in because I don't have that much strength in me....

Anyway, I am getting tired....so tired.....

At least it was a beautiful week with temperatures well above normal and I was able to get outside and get lots 'o vitamin D:)

Hope your weeks have gone more smoothly than mine:)

Blog ya later-
K