I am done!!!!!!
With reconstruction that is! I have no drains, no vest o'death and I don't even have to wear the stupid tight athletic bra 24/7 anymore!!!!!!!! My doctor did say to achieve the best results I should continue to wear a bra during the day for the next 4 weeks to 4 months.....since apparently it takes that long for the protective sac to completely reform around the muscle....ok, I can do that because I can wear any kind of bra I want. Of course that provides a whole new set of challenges as I came home after the appointment and tried on one of the old bras I had saved because it was one of my pretty lacy ones ~I guess I was kind of hoping that I might be able to wear it again on special occasions if I wanted to...alas, it didn't really fit...sigh.
Now..let me explain a bit though....my now mostly perfect breasts are a beautiful teardrop shape.....take a second and imagine that ....... then imagine most every bra you have ever seen/worn......they operate on the premise that you are rounder and usually need some 'lift' .....see where I'm headed?!?!?! So while the D under wire is actually perfect for the bottom of my boobies.....the top.....well let's just say there was enough material flapping that a strong breeze could potentially fly me like a kite. Ok, not really...but that mental image was just too entertaining to pass up(admit it...when you think of it like that it makes you laugh doesn't it :D )
So on the advice of a very dear friend I will be shopping for a demi style bra and a few camisoles or tanks with shelf bras to wear around the house and at night. I would rather have to do that or even sleep in the dreaded athletic bra I have now than risk having to go back in and have her repair a "migrating" boob and start all over again.
Other than that and not being able to lift weights(cause you know I do that soooo much) or hang from bars(also an activity I participate in regularly....NOT) I am pretty much free to do as I please. I have decided for my peace of mind..and so as to not have to redo this anytime soon.. to wait until after spring break to participate in volleyball though....sigh....kinda sad about that as I was really excited, but then again...it will be worth the wait in the long run.
So while I do not have to "worry" about my boobies and the reconstruction anymore...I will never stop worrying about cancer. There is always a chance it can come back, and while that chance gets slimmer each year further away I get....it does not go away...EVER. So please remember that when talking to anyone who has battled cancer...while they may have won the battle....the war is never won per se....it may just end up being a stalemate for the rest of their lives but there will always be that specter of the big C haunting them from the other side and it will never be over....NEVER....it will only be better. My life is better now...my life is awesome actually, but that specter still hovers on the sidelines and while I am trying to not cower in fear and make every decision based on the what-ifs....I will never be completely cured....until they actually discover a cure, that's the bottom line.
On a completely different note...my little Bella(yes she has changed her name this year...which is highly ironic since I wanted to call her Bella years ago and she stubbornly insisted that is was just Belle...like Belle-beauty~from Beauty and the Beast~now oddly enough some other movie character has influenced that decision!) now has contacts!!!!!!! She looks beautiful, she always did, but it is so nice not to have her big brown eyes hidden behind glasses anymore. And man o man....it just brings into focus how much I really do need to be around for the years to come because otherwise Ed could end up in jail in about 7 years after fighting off the boys who will come beating down the door for the girls:P
Ok...soooo, I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and remember all of the things you get to be thankful and take time to appreciate them as we enter the busy holiday season.
Blog ya later-
K
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Un-freaking-believable
DO NOT BELIEVE OR FOLLOW WHAT THEY ANNOUNCED TODAY!!!!!!
FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD~PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE LADIES
FEEL YOUR BOOBIES REGULARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am utterly appalled at the news, at the group, at the insanity of what they are spouting. Are you kidding me????????? Don't do self exams because you might scare yourself?!?!?!? What does that mean...that we as women are not capable of rationally dealing with our own bodies??? That we are to be sheltered so we never have to "worry" unnecessarily about ourselves???? REALLY? I would rather worry unnecessarily than not know until it was too late because I had a false sense of security. I find it insane that not one of the doctors on this panel was an oncologist either.....that makes no sense at all. Why wouldn't you even have just one person who specializes in that area on board?????? Can you tell I'm a bit mad?
As for the mammo issue....sigh.....I am torn. It's a different beast. But, having said that...I think getting a baseline regardless of your "risk" at 40 is a good idea, then at least you would have something to compare it to if you had to at any point between 40 and 50. That is logical...that makes sense. But a blanket statement that it is not necessary is just plain evil, yep, there I've said it, EVIL. There is no reason to condemn women to live through the hell that is Breast Cancer when it could be prevented by early detection. And frankly, the stats themselves show that most women get a baseline and then don't do it again for several years anyway or not at all because they don't want to unless they have a relevant family history anyway. So why on earth would they do this??? It's very simple....money. It costs money to do the mammo....and with the prospect of having to cover everyone for basic health insurance and decrease their earnings bottom line they are looking for ways to cut costs and this is one they have found.
And before you go blaming the health care plan....look to is who funding the doctors in the "study". The big business of insurance is scared and because of that we are to suffer. It is not right and it is something that needs to be stopped.
Soooooo...while I can't make them give you mammos, and I can't make you feel your boobies(well I could, but some of you might get mad if I tackled you and forced ya to ;P ) please do.....take care of your "girls", get to know them, love them even....because one day you might find that they're gone or worse....that they took you with them.
Blog ya later-
K
FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD~PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE LADIES
FEEL YOUR BOOBIES REGULARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am utterly appalled at the news, at the group, at the insanity of what they are spouting. Are you kidding me????????? Don't do self exams because you might scare yourself?!?!?!? What does that mean...that we as women are not capable of rationally dealing with our own bodies??? That we are to be sheltered so we never have to "worry" unnecessarily about ourselves???? REALLY? I would rather worry unnecessarily than not know until it was too late because I had a false sense of security. I find it insane that not one of the doctors on this panel was an oncologist either.....that makes no sense at all. Why wouldn't you even have just one person who specializes in that area on board?????? Can you tell I'm a bit mad?
As for the mammo issue....sigh.....I am torn. It's a different beast. But, having said that...I think getting a baseline regardless of your "risk" at 40 is a good idea, then at least you would have something to compare it to if you had to at any point between 40 and 50. That is logical...that makes sense. But a blanket statement that it is not necessary is just plain evil, yep, there I've said it, EVIL. There is no reason to condemn women to live through the hell that is Breast Cancer when it could be prevented by early detection. And frankly, the stats themselves show that most women get a baseline and then don't do it again for several years anyway or not at all because they don't want to unless they have a relevant family history anyway. So why on earth would they do this??? It's very simple....money. It costs money to do the mammo....and with the prospect of having to cover everyone for basic health insurance and decrease their earnings bottom line they are looking for ways to cut costs and this is one they have found.
And before you go blaming the health care plan....look to is who funding the doctors in the "study". The big business of insurance is scared and because of that we are to suffer. It is not right and it is something that needs to be stopped.
Soooooo...while I can't make them give you mammos, and I can't make you feel your boobies(well I could, but some of you might get mad if I tackled you and forced ya to ;P ) please do.....take care of your "girls", get to know them, love them even....because one day you might find that they're gone or worse....that they took you with them.
Blog ya later-
K
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Best thing ever...
NOT!
Recently I have heard from several people that cancer was the best thing that ever happened to them...........(big pause for that to sink in)
They then go on to explain that it has made them aware of their lives, able to finally slow down and take stock and to now enjoy it to the fullest. Huh.
While I suppose that is really a great thing for them to have realized, it actually just saddens me that they didn't know it before. And it speaks volumes about the frenzied lives we lead these days.
I will never say that cancer was the best thing to happen to me, not in a million ba-ga-zillion years! Was it the worst, so far yes, and frankly I hope it is the worst thing that ever happens to me. But I suppose that means that either I am incredibly lucky or incredibly unique in that while I did have a frenzied life before, and am starting to have that at moments again, it always revolved around things which I still and will always consider the most important things in my life; my family and friends.
Now, don't get me wrong, cancer has in fact brought some incredible people into my life as far as doctors and friends, but I know that I would have at least connected with most of the friends through other ways as we didn't connect through my cancer at all! And yes there are even a few whom I have only connected with because of our battles with cancer and that is wonderful as well, but I don't think that is what these others meant.
I guess what I am saying is...don't wait....don't let cancer, or a heart attack or any other life changing event be your catalyst to discovering the joy in your life and the simple pleasures that family and friends and anything else that makes you happy brings. Do it now and never look back. Live life to its fullest and sometimes that means just sitting down, kicking back with a cool glass of something you love and watching the beauty of the seasons changing and the clouds rolling past in the sky and maybe even your kids raking the yard if you're lucky:)
Carpe Diem!
Blog ya later-
K
Recently I have heard from several people that cancer was the best thing that ever happened to them...........(big pause for that to sink in)
They then go on to explain that it has made them aware of their lives, able to finally slow down and take stock and to now enjoy it to the fullest. Huh.
While I suppose that is really a great thing for them to have realized, it actually just saddens me that they didn't know it before. And it speaks volumes about the frenzied lives we lead these days.
I will never say that cancer was the best thing to happen to me, not in a million ba-ga-zillion years! Was it the worst, so far yes, and frankly I hope it is the worst thing that ever happens to me. But I suppose that means that either I am incredibly lucky or incredibly unique in that while I did have a frenzied life before, and am starting to have that at moments again, it always revolved around things which I still and will always consider the most important things in my life; my family and friends.
Now, don't get me wrong, cancer has in fact brought some incredible people into my life as far as doctors and friends, but I know that I would have at least connected with most of the friends through other ways as we didn't connect through my cancer at all! And yes there are even a few whom I have only connected with because of our battles with cancer and that is wonderful as well, but I don't think that is what these others meant.
I guess what I am saying is...don't wait....don't let cancer, or a heart attack or any other life changing event be your catalyst to discovering the joy in your life and the simple pleasures that family and friends and anything else that makes you happy brings. Do it now and never look back. Live life to its fullest and sometimes that means just sitting down, kicking back with a cool glass of something you love and watching the beauty of the seasons changing and the clouds rolling past in the sky and maybe even your kids raking the yard if you're lucky:)
Carpe Diem!
Blog ya later-
K
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Thank you
To all those who have gone before and will never return. Who's shining eyes blazed with the fires of freedom and who fought for me and you. For those who are the heroes that choose to put themselves in places you and I can not even fathom. For those who did and do, thank you.
Because of you I am here and live this life of luxury where my biggest concern is if my new fake boobs will sit right. Because of you I can voice my unhappiness with our leaders and not fear death. Because of you my children will grow up only knowing peace at home.
Regardless of our political turmoil and machinations we are so fortunate that there are still brave men and women who willingly accept the yoke of protecting our freedoms even knowing that they could face the final fight sooner rather than later.
I don't care who you voted for or what ideals you identify with, without them you would not be here, remember that, today especially but each and every day that you continue to wake in this amazing life that you have been given.
K
Because of you I am here and live this life of luxury where my biggest concern is if my new fake boobs will sit right. Because of you I can voice my unhappiness with our leaders and not fear death. Because of you my children will grow up only knowing peace at home.
Regardless of our political turmoil and machinations we are so fortunate that there are still brave men and women who willingly accept the yoke of protecting our freedoms even knowing that they could face the final fight sooner rather than later.
I don't care who you voted for or what ideals you identify with, without them you would not be here, remember that, today especially but each and every day that you continue to wake in this amazing life that you have been given.
K
Sunday, November 8, 2009
3 days out
and I'm feeling good still-yay
Pain is pretty non-existent(except when I sleep because it's hard to be comfortable in a semi-reclining position when you can't use your arms to push and get up-tg I have some abdominal muscles!) but the vest has not gotten better since the last time. In fact...I think it's worse! How can it be worse you might ask, well..easy, it just is! Maybe it's cause I am not on the pain meds or maybe it's cause I have lost 20 pounds since I last had one of these on and it is cutting into me much worse now or maybe.....it's just cause whoever invented this never had to wear one and I truly think deep down is some what of a sado-masochist....ok, that may be going to far but...seriously, a little padding along the bottom where it cuts into your ribs would be nice!
As for the ladies.....well....I have stood and looked at them in the mirror before and after my showers(the best times of my days b/c I don't have the !*#$#*$ vest on!!!) and while I must admit, the shape is definitely different from before, I'm not sure I will ever seen them as breasts. They are no longer just blobs but indeed nicely shaped...things. They do look much more like breasts do....at least like breasts look on paper or carved in stone anyway. And hopefully they will look totally fab under clothing even without a bra(still my number 1 goal~never wear a bra again!) but I will reserve judgement on that until the drains are gone and let you know later.
The absolutely best part of this so far though......my port scar...it is..disappearing!!!! I think it's due to the placement of the implants and their shape which lays much more naturally under my skin than the expanders because for the first time ever it is a pretty smooth spot and almost invisible...which is a tiny bright spot in this whole thing but ...I'll take all the teeny spots I can get because I figure they can patch together to one big giant shining sun in the end.
So...while I am happily on the road to be done with this all soon(hopefully VERY soon, like tomorrow would be great:P ) I still have a long road ahead of me in the game of life and I intend on traveling it and winning every battle I encounter along the way, or least putting up a darn good fight before I acquiesce nicely and move on to the next thing:)
Love to you all-
Blog ya later-
K
Pain is pretty non-existent(except when I sleep because it's hard to be comfortable in a semi-reclining position when you can't use your arms to push and get up-tg I have some abdominal muscles!) but the vest has not gotten better since the last time. In fact...I think it's worse! How can it be worse you might ask, well..easy, it just is! Maybe it's cause I am not on the pain meds or maybe it's cause I have lost 20 pounds since I last had one of these on and it is cutting into me much worse now or maybe.....it's just cause whoever invented this never had to wear one and I truly think deep down is some what of a sado-masochist....ok, that may be going to far but...seriously, a little padding along the bottom where it cuts into your ribs would be nice!
As for the ladies.....well....I have stood and looked at them in the mirror before and after my showers(the best times of my days b/c I don't have the !*#$#*$ vest on!!!) and while I must admit, the shape is definitely different from before, I'm not sure I will ever seen them as breasts. They are no longer just blobs but indeed nicely shaped...things. They do look much more like breasts do....at least like breasts look on paper or carved in stone anyway. And hopefully they will look totally fab under clothing even without a bra(still my number 1 goal~never wear a bra again!) but I will reserve judgement on that until the drains are gone and let you know later.
The absolutely best part of this so far though......my port scar...it is..disappearing!!!! I think it's due to the placement of the implants and their shape which lays much more naturally under my skin than the expanders because for the first time ever it is a pretty smooth spot and almost invisible...which is a tiny bright spot in this whole thing but ...I'll take all the teeny spots I can get because I figure they can patch together to one big giant shining sun in the end.
So...while I am happily on the road to be done with this all soon(hopefully VERY soon, like tomorrow would be great:P ) I still have a long road ahead of me in the game of life and I intend on traveling it and winning every battle I encounter along the way, or least putting up a darn good fight before I acquiesce nicely and move on to the next thing:)
Love to you all-
Blog ya later-
K
Friday, November 6, 2009
Whew
So I am home-yay!
The surgery went very well according to my Dr. and from what I saw today when she checked the incision spots they look very nice...but I will reserve final judgement until after I shower and can see them in the mirror and get a frontal view instead of just the looking down at them...doesn't give you the full impact I don't think! But, I was also right about the migrating boob~she said she pulled it back in front and it should be perfecto now, I hope so, would like to be able to actually put my arms down by my sides without a blob getting in the way!
I do have the dreaded compression vest again....but...it's not so bad...today at least, I may change that opinion after a few days and less pain meds! The drains are hanging on too(lol) but once again not nearly as bad as the other times...in fact the total output from yesterday was under the amount that I had to get down to the previous times to get them out, which makes me very hopeful that this will be a very short time of vest and drains-one can dream can't she?
So anyway, I am home and happy('cause I'm on drugs:P ) and as the percocet I took 1/2 hour ago is starting to kick in and making it very hard to type correctly-good thing spellcheck is free or I would be broke after this post! I am going to enjoy Ellen and Days with my Lexi before we dig into the stack of movies I got.
Thanks for all your good vibes, thoughts and prayers aimed my way, once again they gave me the peace I needed yesterday and are speeding along my recovery already.
I love you all-
Blog ya later-
K
PS....please enjoy the amazing weather for me-Vitamin D deficiencies lead to a whole host of medical issues including an increased risk for BC apparently-so that justifies all of my sun-worshipping days yet to come:)
The surgery went very well according to my Dr. and from what I saw today when she checked the incision spots they look very nice...but I will reserve final judgement until after I shower and can see them in the mirror and get a frontal view instead of just the looking down at them...doesn't give you the full impact I don't think! But, I was also right about the migrating boob~she said she pulled it back in front and it should be perfecto now, I hope so, would like to be able to actually put my arms down by my sides without a blob getting in the way!
I do have the dreaded compression vest again....but...it's not so bad...today at least, I may change that opinion after a few days and less pain meds! The drains are hanging on too(lol) but once again not nearly as bad as the other times...in fact the total output from yesterday was under the amount that I had to get down to the previous times to get them out, which makes me very hopeful that this will be a very short time of vest and drains-one can dream can't she?
So anyway, I am home and happy('cause I'm on drugs:P ) and as the percocet I took 1/2 hour ago is starting to kick in and making it very hard to type correctly-good thing spellcheck is free or I would be broke after this post! I am going to enjoy Ellen and Days with my Lexi before we dig into the stack of movies I got.
Thanks for all your good vibes, thoughts and prayers aimed my way, once again they gave me the peace I needed yesterday and are speeding along my recovery already.
I love you all-
Blog ya later-
K
PS....please enjoy the amazing weather for me-Vitamin D deficiencies lead to a whole host of medical issues including an increased risk for BC apparently-so that justifies all of my sun-worshipping days yet to come:)
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Buh-bye 'Girls', Hellooooo 'Ladies'
So as of this point when I am writing this in under 24hours and I will have the new 'Ladies' !
And yes, I think that is what I will call them from now on. I mean the slang "girls" has so many levels to it and for me it was kind of just the first step to them "growing" up(and out~lol) and becoming true "Ladies". And honestly, I am thrilled that I will no longer have the blobs that are migrating towards my armpits and will get teardrop shaped pretty perky ...well.....honestly I don't know that I will ever consider them boobs/breasts because let's face it, they're not, but that's ok, they will be very nice shaped 'Ladies".
Now...having said all that.....I am actually very very nervous~lol! I know, I know, after everything I've been through it seems sort of silly to worry about this as it is relatively quick and painless comparatively speaking(or so my Dr says anyway!) but that hasn't convinced that tiny voice in my head that is scared and likes to repeat all the "what ifs" it can think of...stupid voice!
And altho I am happy that I waited and I think in the long run it will give me the best outcome as far as how they look and how I have been able to recover both emotionally and physically...it has definitely given me waaaaaay too much time to think about it, that was a nice thing about the whirlwind of last year, I didn't have all that much time to obsess over things and that was nice~sigh.
So I now am letting go of all the projects I did not get done in the past two months(and that right there shows just how much I have changed!!!! LOL) and embracing the fact that I will be unable to do much of anything for the next 6 weeks by checking out a ton of books from the library and by not watching a lot of TV so I can watch it on the web all next week:) After that I am sure I will start to go stir crazy so I will take any and all recommendations on books to read, movies to watch and hobbies that do not require you to lift your arms!
Soooo, I hope you all have a wonderful week, I will post again after surgery and let you know how it went. Enjoy the beautiful weather(and yes, part of me thinks it's highly ironic, Mother Nature I'm speaking to you, that it has rained for almost a month straight and now that I am going to be down and out it is supposed to be an Indian Summer November...sigh) and get some sunshine for me...vitamin D is good for ya you know!
Blog ya later,
K
And yes, I think that is what I will call them from now on. I mean the slang "girls" has so many levels to it and for me it was kind of just the first step to them "growing" up(and out~lol) and becoming true "Ladies". And honestly, I am thrilled that I will no longer have the blobs that are migrating towards my armpits and will get teardrop shaped pretty perky ...well.....honestly I don't know that I will ever consider them boobs/breasts because let's face it, they're not, but that's ok, they will be very nice shaped 'Ladies".
Now...having said all that.....I am actually very very nervous~lol! I know, I know, after everything I've been through it seems sort of silly to worry about this as it is relatively quick and painless comparatively speaking(or so my Dr says anyway!) but that hasn't convinced that tiny voice in my head that is scared and likes to repeat all the "what ifs" it can think of...stupid voice!
And altho I am happy that I waited and I think in the long run it will give me the best outcome as far as how they look and how I have been able to recover both emotionally and physically...it has definitely given me waaaaaay too much time to think about it, that was a nice thing about the whirlwind of last year, I didn't have all that much time to obsess over things and that was nice~sigh.
So I now am letting go of all the projects I did not get done in the past two months(and that right there shows just how much I have changed!!!! LOL) and embracing the fact that I will be unable to do much of anything for the next 6 weeks by checking out a ton of books from the library and by not watching a lot of TV so I can watch it on the web all next week:) After that I am sure I will start to go stir crazy so I will take any and all recommendations on books to read, movies to watch and hobbies that do not require you to lift your arms!
Soooo, I hope you all have a wonderful week, I will post again after surgery and let you know how it went. Enjoy the beautiful weather(and yes, part of me thinks it's highly ironic, Mother Nature I'm speaking to you, that it has rained for almost a month straight and now that I am going to be down and out it is supposed to be an Indian Summer November...sigh) and get some sunshine for me...vitamin D is good for ya you know!
Blog ya later,
K
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