Celebrate

SO I had my visit with the nurse in the surgical dept. yesterday to get my drains out-YAY!
And then later with my oncologist about the pathology...and hip hip hooray-it was good.
The first lump had shrunk to under a cm and there was no second lump!!!! That means for sure no radiation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And for the first time in five months....the cloud that has been hovering over my life...has really dissipated!!! Granted..I will be ever vigilant... but the worry will lessen as the years go on. So now I am happy the drains are out and the vest is gone.....altho.....and I am sooooo loathe to admit this...........now that it's gone, I kind of miss it....a teeny tiny bit... just the pressure, but I still think it just fit me wrong and because of where it was cutting into me, it was also driving me nuts and I am better off without it anyway!

Of course now I have the very strange sensation of missing a whole section of me, between the collarbones and the end of my ribcage.

That is literally the closest way I can come to describing what it feels like. But that doesn't quite cover the whole feeling...because its not like phantom limbs.....it doesn't feel like a gaping hole...just a missing, empty feeling because it is still..and may always be numb.

Ok, so I don't even know if that rambling made sense...its very hard to describe, although I know some of you out there will understand only because you too have experienced it and how I wish none of us had. But anyway..on to the next phase.

I mean...now I am on to the perky new boobs...I can imagine they're on the horizon....or at least filling out my chest eventually and my hair is thinking about growing back. Of course those who knew me as a baby will remember I had no hair until I was 1 1/2 so it could be a while too...

Which means....for right now, I have never looked more like my brother--LOL...I have the broad Miller shoulders...(thanks Millers) absolutely no boobage(thanks cancer) and no hair(thanks cancer again!) Now granted it only works from the chest up....Below that I still have the long Miller and Shepherd legs...actually truly thanks for that ancestors, I need something to still feel a little like a girl these days:)

Thanks again for all the prayers and good thoughts sent my way during the surgery especially and over the whole summer as well. I will continue to keep you posted. The next step will be figuring out the size-LOL..aka.shopping for boobs.

Blog ya later-
K