Words

Words are amazing things. I have always loved the simplicity of some and the enormous complexity of others, not to mention those which have double ententes....so fun. And that silly saying we all heard as kids, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!" What delusional person who was trying to convince themselves of that really thought it up and said that aloud? I have had broken bones(many) and I can tell you that I would much rather have a stick thrown at me(ok, probably not a stone per se) than a perfectly timed put down. Physical wounds heal, even if it takes a while, but you can replay over and over words that hurt and endlessly question why that happened , what brought it to that point.

On the other hand, words can uplift you in the most amazing ways. Since I was diagnosed I have been deluged with words of encouragement, hope, love, strength, survival and sympathy. So much so that I have started crying at the drop of a hat....ok, I lied, I do that all the time anyway. But I am truly overwhelmed with the outpouring of support that I have received from far and wide, those I've known all my life to some I've never even met. You all have lifted me up more than I can express and in some ways I am fighting this fight to win it as much for all of you as for me.

Thank you for every single word and thought....truly it keeps me going. I know I seem strong and I tend to mask my anger and fears with jokes but with all of you pulling for me I feel like I have this invisible web of strength that is carrying me through every day. That and I am an incredibly stubborn person who tends to fight against anything established(ask my parents about my teen years.....no , wait, scratch that, just trust me:P ) and so I want you all to know that there is no way, no how that I am going to lose this, no matter what it takes..literally, no matter how many parts of me must go, cancer can never take anything of me that truly matters.

Now as for today....not a great day, but not the worst. My poor L is still sick and the fever keeps getting higher. My back has been spasming on and off all day long. I have a theory about that one, although not directly related to the cancer it is most likely due to the fact that I haven't been able to sleep on either side since the lymph node surgery and so it is not happy. My knees are aching but again, that is not necessarily cancer related either, more likely related to the injuries of my youth I have alluded to, but still, sucky. Other than that I'm feelin' fine....crying at all your words, but fine:)

So I bid you adieu for today-

Blog ya later-
K

PS..in case you were wondering what on earth that means, it is a play on words-LOL-I know, so funny aren't I? but on Simpsons, one of the characters, Nelson always says, "Smell ya later" which I find hilarious, and since I can't smell y'all....I will blog ya later:)