Hi all and sorry it has been so long since I have written but I really had a hard time with October and haven't quite been able to get it all sorted out enough to write until now(well, I suppose that remains to be seen depending on how well this post goes! )
Anyway, physically I was completely fine during Oct, it's the mental part I had some issues with. If you have been following along since the beginning of my journey you might remember that I had a very hard time embracing survivorship, not because I don't want to/plan on being a survivor but because I don't want that label. I had just reached a point where I was getting back to the "K" label and not just mom, or wife or leader but me....and then wham-o. And here's the thing, I'm still totally conflicted. I think the all pink this month just pushed me over the edge. Don't get me wrong, prevention and education are wonderful and needed things but....what about a cure? It seems to me that there has been so much media coverage in the past few years and controversies have kept BC awareness at the forefront of the news cycle many times and yet....the numbers haven't changed. The same amount of women die every year because, and here's the kicker, there is NO CURE...let me repeat that, there is NO CURE. Right now, at this very moment, we ALL have cancerous cells floating in our bodies, they just get killed off by the "good guy cells", the problem occurs when the good guys don't recognize the bad guys and then the bad guys start to get bold and multiply and then you have malignancy. And so every day during October all I heard about was prevention and awareness and all I wanted to do was scream. The reason for that goes back to the first train of thought I had, it labels me for that month. It forces me into a role I did not choose nor do I always want. Don't get me wrong, I will share my story with anyone who wants to hear it and I will continue to advocate for education and prevention but also for a cure. It makes me so scared and angry that in 2 1/2 years all I have heard is about better ways to treat and maybe even extend life a bit, sometimes about how they might turn off the cancer cells(once you have them go malignant) but never about an actual cure.......I don't like that future for so many reasons but the two most important ones call me mom.
So anyway, I was very ....conflicted, and then I was unsure how to express it and so November passed! I don't know that what I wrote was clear or even non-contradictory in that paragraph but that's kind of where I am at with it right now.
On other topics, everyone is fine except for the latest rounds of sickness we have had. Thanksgiving was quite nice with my parents and one brother and SIL for dinner and then over to family friends for our annual tradition of card games and pie(the first helps to burn off all of the latters you try ;-P ) . We then did some houes rearranging and got the tree up and it looks very nice. And then the rounds of sickies started!
But I did manage to get in a GS overnight with the Juniors which was quite fun as we went somewhere that cooked for us!!!! Then we did a fieldtrip to Walter Knoll Florists downtown and Mr. Knoll himself led the tour~it was awesome! He was very nice and informative and his daughter was a GS so he "gets" it! Plus the girls got to make a small arrangement at the end and take it home to give away! It was a great fieldtrip and they will always have my business from now on! Tonight we are headed out to carol....BRRRRR...but it will be fun and then I am done with scouts till Jan.!
Whew...I love 'em but it has been a lot of GS in under 7 days!!!
Of course we still have the various final presentations and winter concerts to attend in the next few weeks but hopefully it will just coast smoothly along and I will be back much more often to update!
Blog ya later-
K
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