Ka-blooie

well that's how I feel....like I could explode at any moment...not good.


In fact I'm just really, really pissed at the world at the moment and I am having a hard time getting it under control and that is actually why I haven't blogged in a while..I'm not sure I can be nice, not that I have to since it is my blog, but I do not generally write about specifics and defame certain groups of people and so I am at a loss, truly, and yet...yes, this is a TOTAL me getting it out post so feel free to not read anymore because I totally get that and yet I have to get these feelings and issues out too because they are festering in me and making me crazy.

And yes...I am mad at cancer too. I suppose I am the most mad at that truly but that's the biggest rip-off of all...I can't actually do anything to cancer....altho I am considering burning it in effigy if for no other reason than I feel the need for smores and it would be fun, cause then I could punch it in the face as well! I am having a hard time with the foob thing. I am tired of having two blank spots on my body. By that I literally mean spots of nothingness. You know how you can "feel" your entire body in the sense that it is "feeling" constantly by just being and having those receptors called skin and nerve endings on it...now imagine having parts where that doesn't happen. Which I am sure would be infinitely worse were it an actual limb that I no longer had and couldn't feel but this is just like a empty spot on my body, devoid of being. There is no heaviness or lightness...there is just nothing, except there's not nothing, there are these foobs that are there and stick out and are there, but I can't feel them. I mean I can touch them and my fingertips feel them but the foobs don't feel anything and I don't like it one bit. Add to that the fact that summer is approaching at a faster than light speed and I still have not found a top to wear to the pool and that is beyond depressing since I now supposedly have these "perfect" foobs that don't fit into any man-made item of clothing for them......ok enough on that.

Next on my anger list is a group of women in Girl Scouts. There are rules for everything in Scouts..literally-EVERYTHING and yet, these women did not follow them and had I not been vigilant could have killed Belle due to adding in food that she was allergic to at an event in Feb.! I won't get into petty details but not checking with the "head cook" or the registrar to see if there are any campers with food allergies before you go over their heads to buy extra food, which was not even needed (I know, I had to count the leftovers) is not only wrong, but negligent and could have been very bad, VERY bad. And yet, it never occurred to them that it was a problem and that they should have said something afterwards, no apologies, nothing...interestingly they still refuse to meet my eyes and that to me speaks volumes. And yes, some will say I was overreacting but they have never seen what I have seen when she has eaten the wrong thing and been in the ambulance and watched as my daughter's throat closed up and her body swelled and she literally faced death, she has come far closer to it than I ever did with cancer and all because of trace amounts of allergens in foods she ate. So too bad if I am overprotective while I can be, it's not just for her sake...would you really want to be the one who gave her food that killed her???? Could you live with yourself???? I couldn't...but maybe that's just me.

Last but not least....the school district. There is an inequality in the district regarding the gifted program and which days certain schools get to attend. And again, to some this may seem as if I am overreacting but imagine that your child does not get home EVERY single Friday until after 5pm. That if there are 1/2 days on Friday they miss out on completing projects or are "accelerated" through them which essentially means they don't get the same time to spend creating, exploring and above all LEARNING as the other kids do...does that seem fair? Yes, the gifted program is an "extra" and yet, NO it is NOT. Would you not give equal treatment to someone who needed extra help??? Do you not want children to be engaged and to help them along so that they can be productive members of society? And for all we know, they COULD be the ones who find that cure for cancer in the future and so shouldn't we be equipping and encouraging them as best we can??? But most importantly as someone who works off a calendar that is color coded and has some weeks completely insane with all of the activities that are at the same time in different places, don't tell me that you just can't coordinate that or take the time to find a way to make it fair to all the kids because that is a bunch of hogwash and should never be what is said to any parent. Let me at the schedule, I would find a way...and I suppose that is the key, being willing to work and find a way to make it happen. Now, having said that, I do not mind rotating and having EVERY school "pay their dues" with Friday attendance at the gifted program, this is only fair and THAT I could accept, it is the fact that they said we would rotate after two years and next fall will be year four on Fridays!!!! Now...I am not be the smartest kid on the block but I can do simple math and four does not equal two in any equation out there.....

All I want is for people to do the right thing. And I'm no saint, I screw up plenty, PLENTY. But I try and admit when I am wrong and I even try and compromise when it is the best thing to do for everyone involved. And I hope that those who are out there who read this would help to hold me to that standard and call me out when I do wrong because that is how we learn and change and better ourselves.

Ok enough ranting...well except for the teenage drivers that are invading the neighborhood....but that's a battle I just can't figure out how to even prepare for let alone fight at the moment so I will leave it go at that.

Thanks for reading...if you did...and letting me vent:)

Blog ya later-
K